Friends: you love them or you hate them, or sometimes you’re just kinda lukewarm to them, but that’s better than not having anything between each other at all.
きょうは めちゃ たのしかった！
(Yesterday was super fun!)
I met up with my good ‘ol college buds over dinner and coffee. I believe I have recently written about the friend whom I have a falling out with but has reconciled recently, right?
Okay. Yesterday was really nice because there was not a single bad nerve between us. We were laughing all over, being loud while giggling in-between, and it was like college all over again. Of course there’s the lingering questions regarding his “dark period” which he apologized to me about, however, I think that would be saved for another time.
The thing is, I tried to summon the matter out of him, but he didn’t want to talk about it with my other friends. Through experience, I know that the only way to extract the answers from him is through patience and trust that he trusts me enough to talk, I shall have to wait. However, I am good friends with another of our mutual friend whom he’s having issues with and I’m again sandwiched between people I really love who probably hates each other.
This is not the first time I’m in the gray area between my friends’ quarrels. It’s not that I have no loyalty, but I believe in point of view. Also, I don’t want to lose both their companies, and I’m thankful enough that they still want to be my friend despite my inconsistencies.
Anyway, I certainly missed my friends. I’m so happy that we all have stable jobs (eherm for me because not yet), we are happy enough to be able to laugh when together, and we’re still the same old crazy lit folks back in college.
To be honest, being with my college friends gave me a high as the situation in my workplace is still something I cannot comprehend.
In all my past workplaces, I was able to establish friendship in less than a month. Yes, friends. In the school, it’s going to be a month in four days, yet my relationship with them remains as “colleagues”. I told my good friend, Joanna, that they are probably not my “kind of crowd”.
It’s not that my co-workers are mean to me (although I can feel one of them not liking me very much, or I probably don’t matter enough to be given attention), they are actually pretty nice and funny, but I think they’re not the kind of people I’d be hanging out with after work.
As arrogant as it may sound, there is a “crowd” that I hang out. Ironically, I can’t define these kinds of people because my friends have diverse personalities. It’s a matter of compatibility and impression maybe? I don’t know.
It feels horrible for me not to be able to control the situation in my environment, so despite my progress with the work, I can’t completely feel the achievement because I feel stuck with my relationship with the people I work with. I’m probably the one with the problem because I can’t seem to open up to them. The awkwardness of unfamiliarity gets to me.
Oh well, it’s only been a month. I’m gonna stay positive. I want to make at least one friend here in the school because I wanna stay here for a long time, I swear.
On a [final] side-note, it’s flattering that most of my friends who write well are still urging me to go back to writing. Maybe it’s just my fantasy, but that makes me feel that they believe in my skills, even if I’ve been on a long-term cool-off with writing for a while now.
Of course I want to be able to write again. I want to stop being afraid of what I would read on paper, I want to stop being concerned of my content. I just want my creativity with words to flow again.
Anyway, as I always say, がんばります！