Eherm.

 

So I have a crush in my new workplace.

And I’m trying not to mind it so much.

 

I don’t really know when it happened and how, I just found myself seeking to be acknowledged by that person. We were not in speaking terms because one, we are from different departments; two, there seem to be no common ground.

Anyway, eventually, the feeling grew into wanting to be noticed, and then for that person to talk to me.

Well, everything I hoped for eventually transpired, but of course the expectation grew, too.

After last Thursday’s dinner with my co-workers, including that person (whom I didn’t expect to be coming, at all), we somehow got to know each other more. Of course it’s only me who is putting more icing on the cake, but I felt very happy being able to finally talk and joke around. It took more than three months before we got to that level of saying friendly “hey” in the school, so of course I feel elated.

The thing is, now that person is being so nice to me (she’s really nice), I’m getting hyper-aware of her presence…

…which I don’t like. You know that annoying feeling of wanting that person to notice you every time you’re nearby each other, even if it’s not needed? It’s totally distracting! Seriously, I have better things to do.

Sheesh.

Moreover, I know to some extent that I like girls, but it’s the first time I’ve been this perplexed by one, like how I am to my guy crushes. But oh well, it’s been a really long time since I’ve had a huge crush on someone, so maybe this is the effect? Anyway, I don’t really mind that I’m having a pretty serious crush on a girl (or maybe I do, hmm), but I’ve forgotten just how frustrating this situation (of having a crush in general, not having a crush on a girl) is.

 

Ho, good luck to me when I fall in love.

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