Day 19: 01.19.17

The challenge today is about five misconceptions about me. My, my! What a really nice topic because I think there are quite…a lot. Alright, let’s try this out.

Misconception #1: Michelle is a gangster. Like, I will punch a person in the face if they happen to piss me off.

Alright, here’s the deal. Nowadays, the term “resting bitch face” (RBF) has become popular, right? To be honest, I had always been perplexed as to why people easily assume I am a scary person–especially when I’m walking. I admit, my gait is that of a guy and I never bothered to correct it, plus this resting bitch face is not something I can fix unless I get surgery. I don’t deny that I have this “boss” side of me because I’m comfortable leading, I can be frank when the need arises, and my reflex of hitting someone when I’m surprised or too happy makes people scream in shock or pain, but I am far from ever being harmful.

Promise.

Until second semester of my first year in college, a lot of my classmates were quite distant with me. Later on I found from two classmates that I looked too serious and apparently scary when I introduced myself in class. Even my hard-built, judo-member classmate felt like he was walking on eggshells when interacting with me? WTF?! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

THE REAL DEAL: The RBF protects me from harm especially when coming home late. I figured this was helpful to me as soon as I enjoyed hanging out until late in the night with friends. However, when you get to know me, I like smiling and laughing the most. If I like you very much, I’ll be laughing a lot with you.

Misconception #2: Michelle is a lesbian.

I’m not. I think the best definition I can give myself is Bisexual. I don’t get easily attracted to girls, but I believe that falling in love with one–if ever there would be one–is entirely possible. However, I know I lean towards men 70% of the time.

The misconception probably rooted from me, too. When I was in grade 5 or 6, my best friend was a butch. I guess my “boss” demeanor easily fitted with the other guys, so they became my crew along with my best friend. I always preferred the comfort of loose clothes, so I started imitating the fashion of my older brother which–around 2000/2001–was all about big shirts and baggy pants (EEEEWWWW AHAHAHHA). I think I gave my best friend a shock when I told her I’m not a lesbian. Eventually, I realized I’m just a tomboy, but I didn’t want a girlfriend.

In high school, I really liked one of my female friends. She was pretty, but there were prettier girls in the room, yet I was attracted to her personality. Later on, I think I fell in love with my female best friend. I’m not sure if it was just a very strong attachment because I really really treasure how we fit so well, but when I started having urges to kiss her, I knew I wasn’t so straight after all.

At 28, I dress more feminine and I even enjoy make-up, but there’s no more blurring of which court my heart will go. It can go anywhere.

Misconception #3: Michelle likes to drink and smoke weed.

For the love of the universe, I really don’t. I’m beyond legal age to drink whenever I want, but even at the cusp of curiosity and rebellion (eherm, puberty), I could not connect with alcohol. I tried, of course. Why say no to something you haven’t tried, right? I do drink, but I prefer skipping the liquid and just get to the tipsiness which is awesome! Though awesome, I don’t crave the high of intoxication, I can get that elsewhere. So yeah, despite my tough demeanor, I’m more of a coffee, tea, and juice person. :3

With the weed thing…I admit that I am damn curious of the high that weed can deliver, and I guess it’s the safest of the uppers family, so I want to try it at least once. I want to try it mainly to write about the experience. However, I think there had been two or three people who immediatelt concluded I smoke weed. WHY?! Is there a certain image to it? I smoke cigarettes, but not weed.

Oh yeah, if needed to choose over two vices, I’d always smoke than drink.

Misconception #4: Michelle is a snob.

Back in second and third year high school, some of my classes had a “first impression” activity. Each student will have a paper with two columns containing the words “Good” and “Bad”. I remember reading the word “snob” over and over again though I seemed apparently kind. This is connected to item number one.

THE REAL DEAL: At 28, I’m more outgoing than I ever was especially in my job as a teacher, however, I can still be awkward especially with people I’m not sure I can bother to chat when they don’t seem to. I can talk and make jokes with strangers, yes, but I can be extremely awkward at social situations, too. Add this inner awkwardness to my resting bitch face, people think either: “She’s pissed off, don’t talk to her” or “Her face says she’s not going to talk to us ever”. So, I’m not snobbing anyone on purpose. I don’t talk, initiate a conversation, or smile at times because I’m mustering courage at the situation.

On the other hand, I can be a snob when I see people I know, but I believe we never had a real connection before. We can pass as strangers, so I purposely avoid them. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, but that’s part of avoiding awkwardness with someone.

Misconception #5: Michelle cannot possibly be an introvert.

Yes, I can! And yes, I am an introvert. Partly.

Is this a legit word? Ambivert. I read somewhere that ambiverts are people who are both introverts and extroverts in different situations. However, if this is the case, aren’t we all ambiverts at some level?

Anyhow, I can be extremely outgoing, impulsive, risky, and adventurous given I am extremely comfortable at the situation and the people with me. Once my friends got past the wrong first impression, they are able to pull out the extrovert in me.

On the other hand, my introvert side is apparent in my comfort with being alone. Some extroverts cannot stand being alone, but I actually love it. I’m used to being alone, but it really doesn’t make me lonely. I am most honest with myself being alone and writing is one hobby I developed from this comfort in social isolation. I’m a house-person, meaning I prefer staying in on weekends rather than going out with family and friends. Of course, I go out when there are meets, but I cannot handle going out continuously for days. Traveling is fun, but I’m more of the destination than the journey. I love observing and reflecting from a standpoint. I don’t like clubs because they are too noisy. Karaoke and dancing in friends parties are fine, but clubs have too many strangers, alcohol, and I can’t have a decent conversation with someone without shouting, so no thank you. Another introvert side of me is that I keep feelings to myself. There are only three people in my life that I can share my inner most feelings with, but if I can handle it, I’d rather write in a journal or blog about it. Facebook is a no-no because I don’t easily welcome people meddling in my personal business, especially when it involves feelings.

PHEW! This is probably the longest post I have of 2017 yet! That was an interesting reflection.

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