Day 159: 6.12.17

Last time, I posted a video about being an Ambivert. Amongst all the videos and articles I’ve come across when I was trying to figure out my personality based on these labels, that was the most accurate.

However, of course I don’t think about my introversion, or extroversion, or in this case, my “ambiversion” (if there is such a term), but it was amusing how more strongly I connected with the label after I came to a conclusion of something this evening.

Alright.

In general, I’m a pleasant person to be around with. I can be a good storyteller, but I’ve always been more of a listener. However, whenever I’m around people I know (and usually talk to), I feel like I have to talk to them at all times. Like I’m obligated to entertain them, even if it’s really, really not needed.

Back in my old work as an Enrichment teacher, I have to listen to music with earphones whenever I’m writing a report for two reasons: one, for focus, and two, because not focusing on the music will make me talk to my co-teachers if I get distracted.

And I get distracted easily.

Now, I guess it’s the same with belonging to a group chat? I was introduced to MES in a group chat in Twitter, so that became our breathing ground for serious and often non-serious talks. I’m not an avid user of chats (even FB, Viber, or Line) because even when the conversation is great, I get sidetracked easily with so many things on the internet! Moreover, I just really prefer personal conversations over the virtual version. I used online chat platforms for necessity, rather than for everyday talk.

But since I’m part of a group that shares a common strong interest now (MayWard), I like fangirling with them or just chat and joke around. It’s been almost two months being part of that group, so checking in on the GCs had become part of my daily routine, that I felt, gradually, that I felt obliged to talk to them, even when I couldn’t catch up with the jokes or no one really pays attention so much. Of course, it’s my choice in the end to enter or not, and there had been days I wouldn’t or mute notifications because I wanted to concentrate on other things. The act was equivalent to using earphones while doing a report.

Since yesterday night, I felt uneasy. Like, I wanted to cry because the notifications for the chat was glaring at me. I was so torn between chatting or just leaving it be. I like both choices, to be honest, what bothered me was my reaction.

Why do I feel so tired after talking to people and get high with it, as well?

Then I remember the word: Ambivert.

I guess it’s 70-30% introverted-extroverted, so my introversion was kicking in big time. Being with too many people on a daily basis and taking in their words and opinions and other things was becoming overwhelming for me.

In real life, I can meet with a few really good friends over food or coffee, and be fine not meeting them again for years. I connect with people because of circumstance (like work or school), but I rarely reach out to people to hang out. I’m not a snob, and I don’t have a difficulty connecting with others, it’s just that I get attached and clingy to only a few people. They are the ones I reach out to on my own like my mom and a few of my best friends.

So today, I focused on work for around five to six hours, and I felt great because not only was it quiet (not my thoughts though), but I was work-productive! It became sort of a recharge, so when I went online and there were people online too, I was ready to interact.

When I realized the shift of mood and how it connected to being an ambivert, I was left shaking my head and laughing with it.

 

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