Day 131: 05.12.17

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Naitawiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!!!
Congratulations to me and teacher Camille!
Woot woot! My first event as a coordinator, check!

I’m fine organizing events, but the biggest pressure came from the fact that this was my first school event. The tasks were challenging, but doable, but it’s so rigorous and numerous that it was overwhelming physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Nonetheless, that’s a wrap!

Now can I do more leisurely activities? *ehermwritingeherm*

P.S.
One of our guests was really cute. He plays the bass clarinet, is eloquent, good with kids, likes to trek and is single.

My heart tells me to add and chat with him on Facebook, but my personality stops me. I’m just really not the type to do that. HAAAAY.

And this is the reason why I’m going to remain single for life. *criesinacorner*

Day 102: 04.12.17

Okaaaay.

So my introverted self kicked in when I started feeling anxious about the plans of this group I’m suddenly included in.

I mean, of course I agreed to be part of it, but I guess the plans made after became quite overwhelming for me. There are plans of promoting like having teasers, banners, icons, posts about our works that it got to the point that it become quite uncomfortable with me. I guess it’s because I joined the group with very little expectation of what would happened. I thought we’ll just exchange idea, make something out of it, post it then done.

And when it comes to my writing, I’m very low key. Partly because I don’t want to disappoint myself if people don’t respond to it positively, and because like I have different gadgets for different usage, my personal social media accounts are detached of my writing accounts. So if I write in LiveJournal, I post in communities in LiveJournal. If If my target audience is in Wattpad, I post in Wattpad. So I don’t include links of my writing spaces on my Facebook, Instagram, or personal Twitter. For Twitter at least, I made a separate account for MayWard, so I can promote there.

Anyhow, I think the anxiety also came from me not being able to jump into the conversation in our group chat as easily as others. I’m more of an email/forum type of member, so group chats, especially one with a lot of members at the same time, is very fast for me. I’ve never been into chats actually. And when I cannot grip the situation, I get frustrated with it.

It’s also a bit annoying that the plans for our group (which is getting more in numbers) can easily be buried in a pile of nonsensical, albeit more fun, things in the chat. Anyway, I found a way to solve this problem, so I feel a bit better.

Oh well. We did try a move on Twitter today regarding teasing our readers, “the fans” (juskolord meron ba), and the response was quite massive. So yey for pressure! Pota.

Nonetheless, it’s been a long while since I interacted with fellow fans of a fandom whom I don’t know personally, so ang lakas maka-bata. That’s a good thing, Tita Micchie!

 

Day 101: 04.11.17

Indeed, you learn if you allow yourself to learn.

Today, I gained two new skills: diving and swimming up to the lower part of the pool and gliding forward in water.

I’m really not into swimming, so I never bothered with learning how to swim. One, I don’t like my skin getting darker; two, I find wet clothes and managing them after a chore; three, I don’t like the tired feeling after swimming. These are my reasons, of course, so I have always wondered why some people was so fond of it. Most of what I would do when I am in a pool is just to float or sit around. If I have a floater with me, I use the pool as my bed.

My co-teachers now are obviously fond of the water, so they really were down to wanting a tan, being in bikinis, and doing swimming tricks. Since I had my share of traumatic experiences in waters, I was reluctant to do the tricks they were encouraging me to do.

However, when I did try, for example swimming between the legs of friend underwater, I was somehow able to do it! It took me several times just staying and moving underwater, but I was able to improve myself from the first fail because I willed myself to improve. If I allowed myself to just laze around in water and not try again and seek guidance from my friends, then I wouldn’t feel this good about myself now.

Now, I think I have a new perspective about swimming. I’m excited to have a go again. 🙂

Day 78: 03.19.17

Since we’ve been exploring about the world of ANTS in class the past week, these small creatures had never been so fascinating, and scary to me.

I loved the discoveries to much that I shared it to my mom over lunch. She speculated I was talking lies. WUT?!

Maybe for another post, I’ll write down some facts about them. For the mean time, go watch this amazing episode of Nat Geo about them:


On another note, it’s 4 days before our flight to Taiwan. Everything is set except for a few things we need to consider upon arrival. To get the Taipei pass or rely on Easy Pass alone? Hmmm…

Day 69: 03.10.17

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Yes, it’s Zen Friday.

I woke up early (because I slept at 10:30 the previous day, wut), but I still got to work later than my two other teachers. LOL

Anyway, aside from my Zen-status every Friday, I also make it a point to improve my looks with make-up during this day. I mean, I’m not a big fan of make-up and I think it will take me a while to get to baking, blending eye shadows, falsies and contouring, but I do enjoy it now.

I like working on my eyebrows, most especially. I love it when I’m able to arc it effortlessly. If there’s one thing always complimented about my face even waaaaaaaay back when I was young, it had always been my eyebrows. Naturally pretty, but then I got curious about tweezing and shaving, so now it’s not that pretty anymore. I have to work on it to keep it nice. I don’t like the strong, think and drawn eyebrows too. The more natural it looks, the better for me.

I don’t post selfies everyday, but I feel pretty, why not?

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Day 61: 03.02.17

Alright. As mentioned previously, I would also like to share thoughts on my current fandom here. Of course I had my outbursts in Twitter already, but the more organized thoughts will be composed here. So this will still be about Maymay and Edward, the ship I’m following now from Pinoy Big Brother.

Updates:
After winning the task to have seven people into the Big Night instead of the usual four, Kuya challenged the house mates with a Lie Detector Test. The challenge was open for anyone willing enough to be grilled and be judged with a machine. Meaning, there was an option not to go through it. Except for a set of housemates, everyone took the challenge. Yes, including Maymay and Edward.

Even before the actual airing, there previews showed Maymay being asked if she has feelings for Edward. To be honest, I found this question to be very invasive and a little too annoying already. I mean, I’ve had this issue of leaving Maymay alone with her thoughts and feelings for Edward. She’s not ready to say anything and I’m sure she has valid reasons not to admit anything, even if her action speaks otherwise. I guess, as a fan, I don’t want her to have a difficult time with Edward if they somehow become awkward after that. I don’t want them to be awkward with each other!

One of the reasons I love Maymay and Edward (as MayWard, whether romantic or as frinds) is that they have a special connection that everyone can see and feel, but we’re always left in the dark to question what is really there. There is thrill in not knowing everything, in knowing that there are some things that will be special only for the both of them. But as they have submitted themselves to Big Brother, people are open to interpret what they see and insist on their opinions, which the network is obviously banking on right now.

So this is the video of Maymay’s Lie Detector Test, which is actually not by a machine, but by the ex-housemates. Not a bad thing since intuition is so much better than any machines. My mom said that LDT machines are not accurate because if you get nervous just because of the question, you can get negative result even if you are telling the truth. So in my opinion, this is a better option. Besides, who else would know better than the people who’ve they’ve been with all these time?

So in the end, Maymay admitted that she has a “crush” on Edward. Haha! I feel that it’s already more than a crush, but she’s really making an effort not to mind the feeling so much. Maymay knows her priority and she is driven by her goal to be a Big Winner (without being plastic and pabebe ha, mind you) for her family, so romantic love has to wait. Moreover, I think she’s still recovering from heartbreak over her 3-year relationship, so of course anyone would be hesitant to fall in love again. That’s why she said she’s scared. She’s scared to get hurt and that’s one very telling statement that she is still on the process of moving on. When she said, “Kung sasabihin ko pong gusto ko siya, gusto ko buo, hindi lang dahil love team ko siya.” I didn’t understand it easily. Fast forward to readings and other observations, what she meant was she didn’t want to say she likes Edward because she’s being swayed by her emotions at the moment. Which is actually really smart of her! They were inside the house, they always interact with each other, people always tease them to one another, they are being groomed as a “love team” by the network, and she’s still longing for that love she lost. Maymay doesn’t want to make Edward a rebound or a mistake because she treasures him and their friendship. That’s what she means by loving him whole-heartedly romantically.

Despite this girl always being transparent with her emotions, she’s actually really smart. She’s emotionally intelligent which I think contributes to her creativity as well. Charming, charming lass.

The LDT had more questions about self image (pagpaparetoke), thoughts on fame, comparisons to others, family issues, and genuinity in actions. Same topics with different set of questions were given to all the housemates, but out of everyone, Maymay was the only one who was able to make the nerve-wracking experience light and funny without lessening the seriousness and honesty of her answers.

Now, onto Edward’s LDT!

If there’s something I was thankful for this LDT is the chance for Edward’s side to be heard regarding Maymay. Since I have no boy experience, reading Edward is a bit of a challenge. I know he is very smart, he’s eloquent, he is wise beyond his age. He is sincere, but of course, we all have something we will conceal.

Of course, like Maymay, eh was also asked about his feeling for her. However, the question started with if he found Maymay beautiful. I think this question was asked, so that Maymay’s bashers can shut up. I wasn’t in Twitter for MayWard until January, so I wasn’t aware that a lot of people had been bashing Maymay for being “pangit”. Again, as I said before, she is not. Her beauty grows on you, and when you start seeing it, it will stay beautiful and glowing every day. So Edward basically broke the hearts of these bashers when he affirmed that he finds her pretty. The LDT agrees. What I found a bit odd was that it took a while for him to answer, “yes”. Either he was thinking if he was going to lie or he knew were the question was leading to. This kid is very perceptive, so perhaps he was weighing in his mind if he was ready to admit whatever feelings he wanted to keep hidden for a while if the choice was his. In regards to his answer, I initially was skeptic of it, but looking back, this boy was raised to be a gentleman and he does not discriminate.

Way back during their edition, he said he wouldn’t mind dating a girl like Maymay because there’s nothing wrong with her when one of the housemates sarcastically used Maymay as an example of a girl Edward would dare go for in place of a pretty blonde which he had liked in the past. I believe he frowns more on bad character than physical attribute. Maymay undeniably has a very admirable personality that compliments his which he could be initially attracted to. Later on, he was asked if he was physically attracted to her. He said yes being a person of taste, who would miss admiring that face, the S line, and not to mention, the long legs! There was a clip during their Teen edition when Maymay and the other girls were practicing their walk for a beauty pagent task. When Maymay walked with her heels, clad in a short, denim skirt she normally would never wear (she’s more of a leggings, pants kind of girl), Marco and Edward high-fived on the side then continued to look at the girls or Maymay. So there goes your easy question.

His analogy about Maymay’s best quality is how he perceive her strong personality, the rawness of it as being beautiful. That in a world where people conceal to hide their ugly selves, she’ll proudly parade it because that’s how true she is to herself. Of course, he was asked if he had feelings for Maymay, too. He said, “It depends on what way. Yes.” Alright, I was kind of taken aback by this because I know Edward could answered it sarcastically. Feelings of friendship, of family, romantically? It depends on what way, right? But alright, a Twitter user said that the questions depends on the context anyway, so Edward, being smart, would know what Toni meant with the previous questions and strengthened by the follow-ups which is asking about what he plans to do with the feelings or if he’s going to pursue her. So if Edward was actually being sarcastic or telling the truth, well, the wolves are eating his bait as of now. Still, I’d like to believe that he really likes her. Perhaps as a crush or a little bit more than that. He is infinitely fonder of her than anyone in the house, especially when Dream Team began. Perhaps, like Maymay, he might’ve been swayed by the pairing they are being pushed into, the confinement, the comfort, etc. He has no plans, like Maymay, what to do with the feeling because it is not his priority right now, he doesn’t know if he’s going back to Germany, or what could happen to the feeling after PBB. Like Maymay, he’s playing it cool for the both of them because he treasures her as much as she does him. So in this case, tama nga. MU na nga sila. 🙂

Other questions for Edward was if there was ever a time he became wild (I was not surprised he has punched someone before. Edward’s demeanor is kinda scary when serious, thus, he fit the military leader position so well), if virginity mattered to him and if he was still a virgin, cheating, and being linked to another housemate (to question sincerity to Maymay). All of these he answered without batting an eyelash. Alright, perhaps he really is an open-book after all.

So after the LDT challenge was over, I was kind of worried that Maymay and Edward will be awkward with each other, especially the girl. Maymay not only admitted to Toni and the world she likes Edward, it was also a personal admission which I think shifted her world a little bit more. Anyway, they seemed fine later on, so that was a big relieved. We’re just wondering if they have talked or not.

UPDATE! (As of 3.11.2017)

MayWard are out of the house! Yes, the big winner had been announced as you know. So of course, the videos are also out! Maymay now knows about Edward’s answer during the LDT. She said she didn’t know about it until then, so she can’t help but feel “kilig”. However, she also clarified they never talked about it. Edward was asked about his feelings again and he gave a definite, “Yes, sure. Yes!” Since words are unreliable, I will depend on the way he smiles, his eyes twinkled, and the little blush that crept his face when he said this as clarification.

They are as crazy together based on off-cam and BTS moments and videos. No awkwardness kahit inaasar pa rin sila ng mgat tao. Whatever happens, I will support these two beautiful beings, and I hope that no matter where their feelings for each other take them as friends or as lovers, they never lose connection.

Day 59:02.28.17

Congratulations, Dheni and Pau!

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I’m sure marriage will only make your relationship even stronger as you’ve already won 10 years of relationship ups and downs.

Baby na soon! Hahaha!

P.S.

I’m always awed by couples who are able to reach six onward years together. Being a decent human being to others is already such a chore, what more when you need to give all your time, devotion, love, and understanding to one? It must be very consuming. Nonetheless, I guess if the love is reciprocated, then everything is doubled or more, right? I’m an irony of skepticism and optimism, but at the very core, I’d love to believe that happy endings are possible.

P.P.S.
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I looked like a decent female during the wedding. Save for my peeling letheret shoes.

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HAHA! Kapal ng mukha nalang talaga bakit ba.

Day 57:02.26.17

Went out in the afternoon to find clothes for my friend’s wedding on Tuesday.

Instead of finding a dress, I found these shoes:

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I saw these weeks ago, but I had so much doubt whether to buy it or not because it’s not the usual style I have. But I’ve always liked this kind of style and because the green color is so awesome!

Will be wearing it to work on Tuesday! Hehe~