Day 098 – 2018.08.04

I think there was a time that even when I claimed my best friend, my “best friend”, I was always walking on egg shells with her.

Well, there are several valid reason of course, like her sensitivity (especially that prickly teenage time of our lives), but I think at the core of it all, I was so scared of losing someone I connect so well with. It’s strange, but we connect on so many levels that I feel it would be difficult meeting anyone like her again.

But well, after more than a decade of being friends, there’s still some eggshells behind, but they don’t hurt anymore. Basically, I can ignore the eggshells now because I can! I can be thoroughly honest with her, or well, at least to the level of honesty that I think works best for her sensitivity (even if it has matured immensely), so I’m very very pleased.

Thanks for always being my partner in crime, Mao! *kissy face*
And yeah, I think you’re stuck with me for life. mwahahahahahahah

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Day 097 – 2018.07.04

I had nothing important happening today, so imma just leave here some MALEC gifs because season 3 is just giving me too much feels its so–in the words of Queens–SICKNING!!!

(believe me, it’s a positive expression)

With such shameful bias, I think the writers are putting as much Malec in the show for as much money it’s worth, right? *winkwink*

Day 095 – 2018.05.04

I’m not really sure if my tattoo is healing well since it’s not swelling or it will eventually show infected, but hopefully not the latter! I’ve bought the non-fragrant soap and lotion, so hopefully, it helps. It’s a bit itchy these days and I have to be very aware of the reflect to scratch. My kids had been curious and they want to poke it so much!

Egad. One more week before it heals completely. Good luck to me!

Day 094 – 2018.04.04

I guess I had an eye opener back in 2013 as it turns out, blood donation was not the only gift I had for myself (and humanity), but I also started my sponsorship for World Vision!

It’s been five years as a sponsor, but I’ve never met my sponsored child, Dolly. Anyhow, I do get updates here and there, so I guess that’s okay. However, as money had been tight lately, I decided to put a clamp on the sponsorship for a while or switch to “Save the Children” by August (when I’m more financially stable). I’m not sure how different their platforms are with WV, so I’d investigate first.

Anyhow, today was a productive day for running errands for my dad’s death claims. Good job, self!

Day 093 – 2018.03.04

The amusing thing about this birthday is that I dreaded the day I turn the age wheel to the 30s mark, but now that it’s here, it’s nothing more than an underwhelming event. Hahahah!

Anyway, I’ve never been that goal-driven for a birthday, so I guess despite the casual feel of this day, it’s still pretty special. After all, this marks my third decade on earth.

So for this birthday, I had four things to accomplish before I officially turn the clock which is kind of a milestone–somehow. I’ll elaborate on each one:

1. Blood Donation

My first blood donation was way back in 2013 which was also for my 25th birthday. I ought to regularly donate after that first 500ml, but after donating for my friend’s grandpa who had cancer in 2014, I never got the chance to donate again. What’s the big deal anyway? I just thought that this is one way of helping out. There are many ways to help other people, and this is one of the best ways I think. There are many people who need blood for surgeries and other illnesses, but how many are actually willing to be drained 500 ml of blood to help? I think it would be much easier to give money, but the most convenient is not always the most helpful, right? So for my 30th birthday, I’m resuming this practice. Either every birthday or at least twice a year!

2. Life Insurance

It takes 2200 php off my monthly budget and it’s hard given that I have so many things to pay for, but I thought why not invest for the long run. If ever I die suddenly, then at least I’ll have something to provide my family with. Funeral and cremation expenses are taken care of, so now I just have to be persistent in saving and paying my dues for the next ten years and I’ll have a million in the future. OL

3. Tattoo

I’ve wanted a tattoo since I watched LA Ink in TLC waaaaaay back in college years. It’s one of the TV shows my brother and I loved to watched together. It’s an eye-opener for me regarding perceiving tattoos as an art and more often a sentiment rather than a mark of convict. That stigma of tattoos had long been gone for me after this show, and I wanted one of my own. I’m not scared of the pain, my 19 piercings and being a woman (monthly) is a testament to my own pain tolerance, so pain is out of the question. It was more of a matter of concept.

After Tita died, I felt that it was the turning point of my life. That’s when I started attending Buddhism class and learned about attachment and impermanence. When Daddy died, I felt that my strength to withstand these trying times was also a testament to the fact that nothing–emotions, material things, mortality–is permanent in this world. Changes happen because nothing is permanent and impermanence free us from limitation and attachment, and ultimately–suffering. It may sound like a cliché, but the only permanent thing in this world is impermanence or the only constant in this world is change.

So I got moon phases (waning and waxing) as my first tattoo since, for me, it symbolizes change (for a while) and then everything goes back to the beginning, but you’re not really sure if it’s the beginning or the end or it’s just one and the same the whole time or it was never the same again–change is constant and the moon–at least on earth–is never permanently just circle.

Next time, I plan to have the zen symbol for impermanence and my Aries constellation.

I’ll think about whether to have more after that since three is a balanced number for me 😀

I’ve noticed some faults in my tattoo, but for those who has noticed it said it looks really pretty so…YAY!

4. New shoes

Well, I think I just needed a new one. Almost bought one from Muji (1600), then I was graced by the god of ukay and found myself a well-functioning white shoes for 230 only so yay! 😀

Happy 30th, self! There’s still a lot of work for you to do from here on. Never let other’s timeline rush you, but don’t be too proud of your pace that you’ll end up being irresponsible of things you should be concerned of.

Be wise, Tita Michelle!

Day 092 – 2018.02.04

PHEW!

I’d say the last day of vacation was truly the most productive one. Talk about procrastinator work at it’s finest!

All set to file the claims of my dad since all documents are ready! Spent two and half hours at the city hall to get some documents, mom also made an affidavit for an error in one document so I can finally use that for my dad’s 401k, and I checked the last box of my bday checklist: TATTOO!!!

It almost didn’t happen, actually, but I guess it was really already time to have it, so the universe conspired for me to have my moon phases inked on my skin.

To be honest, it didn’t come out as great as I imagined it, but since it’s so small anyway, I guess the details are a bit hard to see. Nonetheless, the concept and the intention behind this one is what matters, and I’ll be expounding more on that tomorrow, for my birthday post!

Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt as much as I expected it, so I think there will be more of it in the months or years to come. I mean, I know I’m going to reach the tattoo point anyway, it was only a matter of time and the right design for the first one.

Happy almost 30th self. 29, you’ve been great. Thank you.

Day 089 – 2018.30.03

I don’t know what came over me, but I’m suddenly starting with my reports now. Like, I’m really into it and it’s easy. Thank you universe!

On the other hand, I’m watching season 5 of Drag Race and I think I really don’t like Roxxie Andrews. She’s a bully. She calls out to Jinx’s style in drag as ugly and unacceptable because she doesn’t do glamour like she does as a pageant queen, particularly on days when she feels insecure about herself. It’s a clear profile of a bully.

Bullies tend to target people who they think are easy targets to make themselves feel superior and better. I felt so sorry for Jinx, so I’m so glad she won the crown!

Take that, bitch!

Day 088 – 2018.29.03

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage” by Haruki Murakami (novel, 3/5 stars)

“Every person has their own color.”

I guess this is my best take-away from this novel. And I totally agree.

It’s been a while since I last read a Murakami, and I guess with hibernation, a certain kind of thirst allowed me to easily go through this story easily. You have to understand that despite Murakami’s great works, there is a certain kind of devotion and mood that it demands a reader for it to be appreciated best, if not, the story can seem dragging, and at some points even stale.

Glad to note that “Colorless Tsukuru” was not one of them. And I don’t agree that he was colorless, in anyway. We have our own color that is probably move visible with the people we interact with. Tsukuru’s friends, Aka (red), Ao (blue), Shiro (white), and Kuro (black), always joked about him being colorless, but it was what it was between friends, a joke. However, Tsukuru, already having that feeling of hollowness within felt that this coincidence with the name is a reflection of who he is in the bigger scheme of the universe. Well, they were only in high school that time, so sue him for being all emo. We all go through that anyway.

Tsukuru represents a monster in us all: a cruel critique of ourselves. Up to the very end, Tsukuru was still in the process of understanding himself, of appreciating more of his strengths, and finding that shade of color in him which is not at all a cliff-hanger if that’s the thought that Murakami wanted to convey. We will forever be the worst critique of ourselves, and unless we see ourselves beyond the filth that we often put ourselves into when things don’t go our expectation, we will forever be a prisoner of that colorless world no matter how much others paint us with their colors. Life is an endless pilgrimage of self-discovery and finding happiness. We may never be whole our entire life, but we gain it’s meaning through actively seeking how we can put the pieces together. Friends, family, events, and experiences help make the pilgrimage rich with growth.

Now, why the three stars only? Three reasons:

1. Haiga – What the hell happened to this character? I know that Tsukuru stated that he never met Haiga again, I was kind of expecting an unexpected reunion somewhere in the metro, in Finland, or even just in the pool or train station. Haiga was a big part of the memorable dream Tsukuru had which connected to Kuro and Shiro. At least somehow there’s an explanation to the Kuro-Tsukuru-Shiro threesome, but Haiga swallowing all the eherm, what was that all about? A few weeks later, he disappeared out of Tsukuru’s life. I was expecting the protagonist to seek out Haiga like he did with his four estranged friends as he stated that Haiga was “blocking” him too. I dunno. It’s a big question mark for me. And even if that was intentional (because by the end Tsukuru had more of less an idea of what he should do when people suddenly go cold on him—lesson in 16 years), but I wished we had a window to that scene somehow.

2. Patterns – sadly, it feels that after reading about four Murakami books, you get a pattern of themes and elements (dream sequence, music, someone goes missing, emotional or mental isolation, etc), then the story instantly becomes less interesting. Why? You somehow already have an idea what will be the flow of it.

3. Ending – I’ve emphasized this a lot of times, but ending is very important for me when it’s time to close the book. The ending was understandable, as mentioned, the story hints of a self-growth for Tsukuru but what lies ahead of him with this growth is already not within our reach but only to our hope for the character. However, the ending with the dragging talk about his life in Tokyo, the train stations, his routine, etc was just….urgh. Shoot me, but I didn’t get it.

Day 087 – 2018.28.03

Finally got myself new white shoes for only 230 php! Wohoo~ very good ukay finds, indeed!

On the other hand, after budgeting my money until the next payday, I only have 168 pesos left as pocket money. How in the world I’m gonna survive, I’m not sure. I will receive something from my tutor fees this weekend, so I suppose that will help me survive somehow. At least my savings are intact.

Having a life insurance sure is a hefty responsibility, but at least I got my funeral covered. Morbid? Just being practical!

Day 088 – 2018.29.03

“Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage” by Haruki Murakami (novel, 3/5 stars)

“Every person has their own color.”

I guess this is my best take-away from this novel. And I totally agree.

It’s been a while since I last read a Murakami, and I guess with hibernation, a certain kind of thirst allowed me to easily go through this story easily. You have to understand that despite Murakami’s great works, there is a certain kind of devotion and mood that it demands a reader for it to be appreciated best, if not, the story can seem dragging, and at some points even stale.

Glad to note that “Colorless Tsukuru” was not one of them. And I don’t agree that he was colorless, in anyway. We have our own color that is probably move visible with the people we interact with. Tsukuru’s friends, Aka (red), Ao (blue), Shiro (white), and Kuro (black), always joked about him being colorless, but it was what it was between friends, a joke. However, Tsukuru, already having that feeling of hollowness within felt that this coincidence with the name is a reflection of who he is in the bigger scheme of the universe. Well, they were only in high school that time, so sue him for being all emo. We all go through that anyway.

Tsukuru represents a monster in us all: a cruel critique of ourselves. Up to the very end, Tsukuru was still in the process of understanding himself, of appreciating more of his strengths, and finding that shade of color in him which is not at all a cliff-hanger if that’s the thought that Murakami wanted to convey. We will forever be the worst critique of ourselves, and unless we see ourselves beyond the filth that we often put ourselves into when things don’t go our expectation, we will forever be a prisoner of that colorless world no matter how much others paint us with their colors. Life is an endless pilgrimage of self-discovery and finding happiness. We may never be whole our entire life, but we gain it’s meaning through actively seeking how we can put the pieces together. Friends, family, events, and experiences help make the pilgrimage rich with growth.

Now, why the three stars only? Three reasons:

1. Haiga – What the hell happened to this character? I know that Tsukuru stated that he never met Haiga again, I was kind of expecting an unexpected reunion somewhere in the metro, in Finland, or even just in the pool or train station. Haiga was a big part of the memorable dream Tsukuru had which connected to Kuro and Shiro. At least somehow there’s an explanation to the Kuro-Tsukuru-Shiro threesome, but Haiga swallowing all the eherm, what was that all about? A few weeks later, he disappeared out of Tsukuru’s life. I was expecting the protagonist to seek out Haiga like he did with his four estranged friends as he stated that Haiga was “blocking” him too. I dunno. It’s a big question mark for me. And even if that was intentional (because by the end Tsukuru had more of less an idea of what he should do when people suddenly go cold on him—lesson in 16 years), but I wished we had a window to that scene somehow.

2. Patterns – sadly, it feels that after reading about four Murakami books, you get a pattern of themes and elements (dream sequence, music, someone goes missing, emotional or mental isolation, etc), then the story instantly becomes less interesting. Why? You somehow already have an idea what will be the flow of it.

3. Ending – I’ve emphasized this a lot of times, but ending is very important for me when it’s time to close the book. The ending was understandable, as mentioned, the story hints of a self-growth for Tsukuru but what lies ahead of him with this growth is already not within our reach but only to our hope for the character. However, the ending with the dragging talk about his life in Tokyo, the train stations, his routine, etc was just….urgh. Shoot me, but I didn’t get it.

Day 081 – 2018.22.03

I think I have a crush on Bianca del Rio, a gay drag queen. Does that make me Pansexual?

Well, this is new.

To enlighten you regarding the definition, “pansexual” is just one of the many labels regarding gender identities along with queer, bisexual, gay or lesbian.

I identify as bisexual because I’m sexually attracted to both men and women. But after Bianca, I may have stepped onto pansexual territory? I find her pretty often, I love her skinny legs and her classic style, and of course her personality and intelligence. Even as Roy (Bianca out of drag), I still like her a lot! I find him/her attractive and hot. HAHAHAHAH!

Well, labels are just labels anyway. Alt er love, right? 🙂

Day 080 – 2018.21.03

“Drag Race Season 6 – Sissy That Walk Queen!

So I finally finished all episodes of Drag Race season 6! Wohoooooooo!!!

Of course, I mainly watched it for dear Bianca Del Rio, but Adore Delano definitely stuck with me too, so I was very pleased to see them together as finalists. I have a love-hate relationship with Courtney, but Bianca loves her too, so I’ll love her anyway.

There’s a kind of Kisses-Maymay resemblance to Adore-Bianca as finalist which isn’t so weird given that Big Brother and Drag Race are both reality shows that has challenges given to contestants and people judge them according to how they react, grow, or get broken from those.

I found Adore kind of like Kisses (pre-Dream Team, when I still liked her) who sort of relied on charms in the beginning, found himself at the bottom several times, learned eventually from the mistakes and had a change of attitude to gain his right to be a finalist. Bianca was like Maymay (older to Adore too) who had great attitude of a contender: focused, smart, strong, competitive, but willing to lend a hand when needed. Like Maymay, Bianca had always been genuine and was never shy to remind them bitches why they were in the competition in the first place.

Ru Paul, being the senior in her industry, definitely has the eye for a queen, of course. I cannot judge from the other seasons because I haven’t watched them (I plan to watch season 3 for Raja, Shangela and Manila Luzon, season 5 for Jinx Monsoon and Alyssa Edwards, and Season 8 for Bob the Drag Queen), but I think Bianca’s a great winner because she can set a bar for other future queens: be professional, be fierce and competitive, but do it nonetheless, with a heart.

Day 086 – 2018.27.03

FINALLY
FINALLY
FINALLY

DRUM ROLL PLEASE *DRUM ROOOOOOLLLL*

I DONATED BLOOD AGAIN!!!! WOHOOOO~

I’ve been meaning to for ages ever since I did it about five years ago, but I just never got around to doing it. Well, since it’s going to be my 30th birthday in a few days and I plan on having a tattoo, I might as well do something helpful before getting inked and being banned from donating for a while.

The tattoo, on the other hand, I’ve decided will be one of my birthday gifts for myself. I’ve finally decided on a concept! Design-wise, still a little bit unsure, so I hope the artist can help me finalize. Mao also told me she can design one for me. Anyway, let’s see. Imma post a full explanation on that once I have it done.

Anyhow, donating blood is incredible. Not only you get to help a person who needs it, but it’s also good for our body. Please go ahead and share! 😀

Day 084 – 2018.25.03

During breaks in the past, I used it as a chance to declutter some things in the house. My mom is bordering hoarder territory, so I have to monitor that from time to time (when I can be bothered from my own shit).

So after that impromptu organizing of the snacks area and containers pilling up, I took over the fridge. After some cleaning and throwing of left over food from over a year ago, well, that fridge is basically empty. Sad, gurrrrrrrrrrl, saaaaaaaaaad.

Anyhow, later at night met with some JUNKO gal friends Trish and Mao. We found some funny stuff in Landmark, so we just had to take some shots of it.

1 – Aren’t we all. Everyday. Damn. Day.

2 – Hush, bitch. Hush.

3 – Gone is the “bitter-sweet” flavor of this so-called life.

Day 083 – 2018.24.03

Day 083 – 2018.24.03

“Hurricane Bianca” (movie 2/5)

I fell immediately and quite hard with Bianca Del Rio the minute I watched that video of her slamming down mean tweets, so I marathoned Drag Race season 06 and mighty rooted for her (despite knowing she won), and then was on the hunt for this movie.

Well.

I love Bianca and her shtick with hate and comedy (but definitely a softy behind the camera), but this movie sucks. Sadly, it almost came close to “DUFF” (but that movie is a waste of life, this has Bianca, thankfully).

So basically, the premise is the revenge of a passionate science teacher who was fired from his job upon disclosure that he was gay. He came back to the school in drag as Bianca to show that being different has nothing to do with one’s passion in teaching.

The story is actually nice. The passionate teacher of course would always touch a soft spot in me (not because I’m one, but I aspire to be), but the execution…not so much.

I’m probably so used to Bianca’s persona so much that as Richard, I felt the acting was too “performed”. Yeah, I get it that Richard was awkward, and I think somehow that came through, but it just uncomfortable to watch overall. The other cast members could also use some more oomph probably.

There’s the development of Bianca’s relationship with the kids of her science class, but I think this was overshadowed by other events in the movie, so I’m not sure what that was about. Comedy-wise, it was so-so. I loved Shangela and William’s tandem though, they were cute!

So yeah, I love you BDR, so I hope the sequel gets an improvement.