Twilight Zone-d

Ever had that experience of being suddenly shaken by the feeling, the idea that the world, your reality shifted before your eyes?

While walking nonchalantly this morning, I had to halt and take a double-look to my surroundings just to be sure I’m still on the ground. Everything was normal though: the abundant green from the lines of trees, the dusty field, the buildings and everything.

I don’t know.

Despite the surprising luck I was blessed on the way to work and the fine weather, that moment disturbed me.

 

Oh well.

 

 

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After 60 days…

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Ah, yes, a lot has happened since then.

Well, what’s up?

For me, things are getting better. I really don’t want to jinx the good vibes by being definite about my comfort in my new work place, but things are better and I should share it!

After two months, my efforts to connect to my new co-teachers have finally paid off. I can now share things about myself and my life with comfort, and most especially joke around with them. It’s not joke, but being able to joke around with a person is my own personal stamp of approval to that person as a good co-worker or potential friend. As of now, I can’t really say that my co-teachers are friends, but they are definitely great co-teachers. I’m finally able to connect with them not only on a business level, but personal, too. So I’m kinda sad that one of the teachers who has helped me build a connection to others is quitting soon. I definitely have to have a picture taken tomorrow!

In terms of the work itself, my reading classes are much better. Unknowingly, I’ve observed keenly to learn from my co-teachers, and I did my part of reading about the program and how to handle this kind of class. Application of learned knowledge is essential!

Regarding my creative writing class, well, that’s something that needs more of my attention now. As a lone CW teacher with a weak background on the subject, I have to push myself more. The students for this class are more aggressive and independent. I can feel them trying to overpower me, at some point, to bully me. Well, they can try, but I don’t really think they can. Adults couldn’t, how can they? Haha~ Anyhow, I really have to pay more attention to this class as it’s been two months, but I feel my progress is still sloooooooow. It leaves me frustrated and lacking every time. I feel bad for the students, too.

To be honest, for a person who has turned her back on writing for a long time, just to suddenly be given writing as a job is frustrating. It feels like my insecurity hunting me, closing the walls on me. Well, I’ll take it as a challenge. In the long run, I might be able to write again! I passionately wish for that.

Anyhow, I also need to work on adjusting my attitude to students! Damn, I need to learn how to be strict! I can’t be too yielding and friendly all the time. Those smarty pants will outsmart me. Hmp!

There’s a lot to learn from this work, but I find myself having fun. What an amusing ordeal. Oh well!

 

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“Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Encountering poems like this is one of the best things I got from college. I wasn’t big on poems back then (although I wrote my own), but I’m sure I wouldn’t have bothered with poems if not for my major.

Anyhow, after all these years, this poem is still one of the most powerful poems I’ve experienced. The speaker’s voice resonates with a pound in my soul without being voiced. Goosebumps, I swear.

Haha! I also remember reciting this for one of our major class, but I forgot some of its lines. Oh dear, I’m so sorry Ms. Angelou. Nonetheless, thank you for the words and wisdom, Ms. Angelou.

Rest in Peace.

5 Maya Angelou Quotes That Can Change Your Life

Thought Catalog

It was sometime during earlier childhood, that I first discovered my strange connection to the enchantment of words. My mother still likes to tell people of a time she asked what I wanted to eat for breakfast, to which I replied, “books.” I once even made a Valentine’s Day card for Ponyboy from The Outsiders and proclaimed to all my fifth grade friends that I was in love with him. I wanted a friend like Ponyboy, one who would read Gone With the Wind to me and recite Robert Frost poems like he does for Johnny. I could always count on my fictional friends to take me on literary adventures, to understand me no questions asked. I trusted them.

Now, years later, I’m still trying to figure out where this fascination with words stems from and I think I have it almost figured out. Almost.

Words make us feel something…

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19 Surprisingly Hot Things Guys Do Without Realizing It

OH GOD, YES.

Thought Catalog

Well, maybe they do realize they’re doing it, but I just want to imagine that it’s a happy accident. I don’t want to believe that any guys are actually that sexily cunning, and are using their powers for evil. Let me live in my peaceful ignorance.

1. Having a perfectly subtle scent of cologne/aftershave that doesn’t overpower but leaves you with that “boy smell” that you just want to get high off of the rest of the day. (God forbid they let you borrow some article of clothing, in which case you might get some sort of lung infection from vigorously inhaling the fibers through your nose.)

2. Lingering on a hug for just a moment too long.

3. Looking you directly in the eyes when they talk to you, with perhaps the occasional glance down to your lips while you’re talking to them.

4. Licking their lips gently when…

View original post 572 more words

Friends, work, and writing

Friends: you love them or you hate them, or sometimes you’re just kinda lukewarm to them, but that’s better than not having anything between each other at all.

きょうは めちゃ たのしかった!
(Yesterday was super fun!)

I met up with my good ‘ol college buds over dinner and coffee. I believe I have recently written about the friend whom I have a falling out with but has reconciled recently, right?

Okay. Yesterday was really nice because there was not a single bad nerve between us. We were laughing all over, being loud while giggling in-between, and it was like college all over again. Of course there’s the lingering questions regarding his “dark period” which he apologized to me about, however, I think that would be saved for another time.

The thing is, I tried to summon the matter out of him, but he didn’t want to talk about it with my other friends. Through experience, I know that the only way to extract the answers from him is through patience and trust that he trusts me enough to talk, I shall have to wait. However, I am good friends with another of our mutual friend whom he’s having issues with and I’m again sandwiched between people I really love who probably hates each other.

This is not the first time I’m in the gray area between my friends’ quarrels. It’s not that I have no loyalty, but I believe in point of view. Also, I don’t want to lose both their companies, and I’m thankful enough that they still want to be my friend despite my inconsistencies.

Anyway, I certainly missed my friends. I’m so happy that we all have stable jobs (eherm for me because not yet), we are happy enough to be able to laugh when together, and we’re still the same old crazy lit folks back in college.

To be honest, being with my college friends gave me a high as the situation in my workplace is still something I cannot comprehend.

In all my past workplaces, I was able to establish friendship in less than a month. Yes, friends. In the school, it’s going to be a month in four days, yet my relationship with them remains as “colleagues”. I told my good friend, Joanna, that they are probably not my “kind of crowd”.

It’s not that my co-workers are mean to me (although I can feel one of them not liking me very much, or I probably don’t matter enough to be  given attention), they are actually pretty nice and funny, but I think they’re not the kind of people I’d be hanging out with after work.

As arrogant as it may sound, there is a “crowd” that I hang out. Ironically, I can’t define these kinds of people because my friends have diverse personalities. It’s a matter of compatibility and impression maybe? I don’t know.

It feels horrible for me not to be able to control the situation in my environment, so despite my progress with the work, I can’t completely feel the achievement because I feel stuck with my relationship with the people I work with. I’m probably the one with the problem because I can’t seem to open up to them. The awkwardness of unfamiliarity gets to me.

Oh well, it’s only been a month. I’m gonna stay positive. I want to make at least one friend here in the school because I wanna stay here for a long time, I swear.

On a [final] side-note, it’s flattering that most of my friends who write well are still urging me to go back to writing. Maybe it’s just my fantasy, but that makes me feel that they believe in my skills, even if I’ve been on a long-term cool-off with writing for a while now.

Of course I want to be able to write again. I want to stop being afraid of what I would read on paper, I want to stop being concerned of my content. I just want my creativity with words to flow again.

*sigh*

Anyway, as I always say, がんばります!

Hello there! How do you do?

It’s been some eventful weeks so far. Progress are happening which really makes me happy.

I’m still struggling with handling children as my students. Learning the reading program is fun, and teaching it is more exciting than I expected. Especially when I see a glint of thrill in the student’s eyes whenever I show them our book of the day. Although there’s still much to learn, I believe I’m getting the hang of it. In terms of creative writing, I’ve gathered enough ideas to last me two months worth of sessions. The trouble usually lies on the student themselves, or my lack of understanding with children. So far, my CW classes are consequently a series of trial-and-error as each student have their own reservations when it comes to expressing themselves on paper; some prefer not to ever express themselves on paper! I swear, most of my CW classes exhaust me, leaving me depressed and often feeling inadequate for the job.

*sigh*

On a lighter note, I think my co-workers are warming up to me, and me to them. There’s just some moments in our small room wherein I feel very left out. It’s probably just me being hesitant and overly concerned about boundaries (I hate making myself seem overly friendly), though I’ve established the strongest friendships I had through lowering our walls around each other and proceeding to teasing! Seriously! I just hate the feeling of being so self-conscious and uncomfortable, especially since they are the people I’d be seeing and working around with–hopefully–for a long time. I hope we can shed off the awkwardness soon. Though they’re not my kind of crowd, I genuinely think my co-workers are pretty nice people.

Another progress is one of my really good friend whom I had a sort of fall-out with apologizing to me. I really loved this friend of mine, so I was easily hurt when he did something which hurt our friendship. It’s especially more vexing when the root of the friendship problem is money. Well, we’ll be seeing each other on Friday with our other friends. We’ve talked a bit over Facebook, so I’m sure most of the awkwardness would’ve been dispelled on Friday. Hmm, well let’s see.

Another update is I’m biking more often! Yes, I think my body and my bike are getting more used to each other. There was a dangerous incident today wherein I almost caused traffic and some people shouting at me for carelessly crossing the road on a GO, but that’s another lesson to be learned, right? Moreover, I got to chat shortly with a really nice uncle who also bikes to and from work. It’s nice to get another perspective regarding biking for practical purposes. Also, I’m never biking in skinny jeans! Damn fashion! Comfort would also come first for me!

There’s still much to update, but since my eyes are telling me to lay down and let it rest, I shall end here…for now.

Life, UPDATED.

 

 

 

Good night!

{Expectation VS Reality} Biking: A REVERSE

As I promised myself (and stated in this blog before), I would bike again to and from work.

I did.

To be honest, I was expecting that I would have a terrible time like my first attempt, but everything went smoothly! Biking was a breeze today, except for a few wrong turns which ate some of my energy.

I’m not really sure if the reason for my easier run this time is because I plotted my route well, avoiding any which too much cars would pass or there are up-hill curves (I also made sure to have a Gatorade in my basket), or because my bike felt so much lighter than before. I guess having it checked by my uncle, cousin, and grandfather was a great thing. They tweaked something with the bike and it run faster on the flat routes, and it felt lighter on the up-hill curves!

The rush-hour traffic horrified me, but I was able to bike with ease at the side of the road. It was kinda scary running with big cars, but I had to be brave. Anyway, the feeling down-hill felt brilliant! My only problem is the motorists since they tend to run faster than cars and can easily bump into me when they’re trying to find a hole within the traffic. And people! Guh! Why won’t they get the fuck off the road?! I seriously need to buy a bell soon.

Haaay.

It was a good day, nonetheless. I had a good time at school, only one student, so I was able to ready worksheets for my students next week. I’m beginning to be more comfortable with my co-teachers and I feel they’re getting to know me better and are getting more comfortable with me, too.

I’m glad I did the biking again. The “what if…” would torture me! Some things are worth trying, even if it’s difficult or seems difficult, but if we never give it a chance to be experienced, then it remains a fantasy.

So wait for me, Japan! I’ll live there. I swear!

Hello, Insomnia.

Not very pleased to meet with you on a Monday midnight.

 

I have been up since 3:30 in the morning. I woke up needing to pee then I couldn’t get my sleep back. I rolled around in bed trying to drift to sleep, but my mind was immediately active and would not stop thinking! It’s 6:30 now, I have to go work in a few hours, but I’ve only rested for three hours.

Egaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, I wanna cry.

I swear, McDonald’s coffee float could be the sole culprit of this crime! I ordered this drink when I hanged out with my best friend yesterday afternoon. When it was time to go home, we both got sleepy. She also ordered coffee, but it was iced. Nonetheless, McDonald’s coffee, right? Anyhow, I tried to sleep early but the amount of Ohno-goodness on the net kept me browsing for more, so I slept around a few minutes before 12 after finishing reading a fanfic.

I knew I sort of wanted to pee before I fell asleep, but tiredness got the better of me. And so my bladder woke me up a few hours later, then here I am typing with really sore eyes.

I’ve had insomnia for years actually, I just never really paid much attention to it. I thought my abnormal sleep patterns and difficulty in sleeping were mere consequences of my lifestyle. Well, the lifestyle which causes me insomnia. There was a point when I’d feel sluggish the whole week because of my lack of quality sleep, so I started reading a few articles regarding the matter.

Some articles pointed out that quality sleep beyond quantity of sleep. Of course we got to sleep as much as we can, especially we need a good sleep at night (or during the day for night workers), however, if your short sleep was peaceful and deep, you’d feel as strong as a person who slept well with good hours. Moreover, insomniacs have to find a way to get themselves tired or very relaxed to fall asleep.

In my case, I usually listen to music or a radio recording/drama, or read a book. Music used to be very effective in lulling me, but over the years the music distracted me more. If I listen to music to sleep, I need to listen to foreign music like Japanese or Korean so my brain can disregard decoding the meaning of the lyrics. Reading books is more of my preference these days, especially when I had my kindle. Anyway, I’d read with a lamp before for my paperbacks when I really liked it, but the Kindle gave me more reasons to read. Anyhow, reading relaxes my mind and usually tires my eyes enough that I’d instantly fall asleep. Sometimes the stories would keep my mind more awake, but if I try to imagine the continuation of the stories in my head, they make me feel at eased, then I fall asleep!

*sigh*

Oh, I’ve said enough, haven’t I? *YAWN*

I think I’m ready to get a few hours of wink before starting to work. Wish me luck today!

 

ドラマ:Kagi no Kakatta Heya (The Locked Room Murders)

Enomoto Kei is a security “otaku” working for a security firm, devoted to improving the securities system on a daily basis. He is not an easy person to familiarize oneself with, always collected and calm, unapproachable, a maniac in Physics, Science, Architecture and profound in other basic theoretical foundation. He is certain and proud of the fact that there is no key which he cannot unlock.

One day, Kei is asked to help reveal a mystery behind a locked room murderer. While he lacks any interest in solving the mystery, he is inevitably intrigued by the term, “Closed Doors” and decides to take on the position. He works side by side with Aoto Junko and Serizawa Gou, who are lawyers working at a major law firm. Junko is pure and forward, acting upon her instincts while Serizawa is a prideful elitist who sees time as money, and therefore, will not take on any job that is unprofitable.

Possessing a vast amount of knowledge and acute insightfulness, Kei is able to unlock the closed doors and unravel the secrets leading to the solution. Never before has there been a drama focused solely on closed doors. It’s an all new original mystery that will keep you guessing every week! — Fuji TV

 

Watching the first episode of this drama was a bit slow for me. Although I was excited that Ohno plays one of the main characters of the series, I was a bit uncomfortable with the overall tone of the drama. How should I say this? There was something lacking from the episodes. Emotions? The elements too technical? I can’t pin it well, but until the end, there’s something lacking from the show for me despite the thrilling “unlocking” of the locked rooms which were very technical, indeed. I could not help but think, oh how Japanese this show is.

Anyhow, I would give this drama a five-star if not for the development of the characters. I felt that they were all flat; mere tools to move the plot of each episode. Each character has his/her charm definitely, but we (the audience) don’t get to know more about them.

We know that Aoto Junko is a new lawyer in Serizawa Goh’s law firm and she’s single. Serizawa is a big-shot corporate lawyer who we also know is single, lives in luxury, and serves somewhat as comic relief against the grim murder case presented in each episode. Meanwhile, Enomoto Kei, we learn along the way, isolated himself from the rest of the Tokyo Total Security staff because of a past accusation issue, he’s very private, loves locks and unlocking them, while showing hints of cuteness (sorry, this is my bias speaking now).

The last three episodes and the SP (special episode) hinted of Enomoto’s background and the events built suspicion on his true nature. This part got me riled up because they didn’t explain further! The drama was truly focused on showing the tricks behind the locked room murders, so the characters involved felt like accessory to the trick, so to speak.

I guess as a character-invested reader/viewer, I was disappointed. I like rounded characters, so to watch a series with potentially interesting characters left in the dark felt a bit of a waste. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed watching the drama, and I was glued to my bed the whole time trying to unlock the cases along, but my desire to know more about the characters was always at the back of my head.

I say season 2, but this is Japan TV! Rarely is a show given another season, with the exception of really successful ones like Hana Yori Dango, Trick, and Gokusen, yet the last two had the very same format as their original season, so we don’t really get anything new except for new characters (and actors). HanaDan was different because the story is continuous, not episodic, so the plot is stretched the more episodes we watch.

Oh well.

Still… おつかれさまでした!

 

Adjustments

I suppose as a teacher, I must also know how to discipline my students, right? That’s expected from me.

Well, I’ve been an online teacher for such a long time that I didn’t really have to be concerned how my students discipline themselves in class. Of course they are expected to behave well, and they do try to maximize their time for studying because most of them are paying for their own class. When you’re paying for your studies, you really don’t wanna fool around too much.

Now, I am dealing with kids, rich kids who do not have any idea about the value of time and money yet. Their classes–amongst many–are of their parents’ prerogative. I can see that most of our students are smart, they are definitely adorable in their own unique ways, and as kids, they wanna play all the time.

I am usually lenient when it comes to kids, I let them do what they want as long as they follow me first. When they’re resistant in the beginning, I try to find their sweet spot and establish rapport. This method is effective, albeit not all the time.

For example, my student “Matty”. He has a condition which makes him act way too energetic and disinterested in some subjects, namely writing, which I teach. I find Matty very cute actually. I can somewhat see him as a more adorable version of “Dexter’s Laboratory’s” Mandark because of the way he speaks and also how he looks. However, I can also feel that he’s very affectionate towards people who would give him attention and genuine care.

There were moments in our class in which I thought, I felt like he was really going to stab me with scissors and he kept asking “Why?” to annoy me, but by the end of the class, he wrote something (which is an achievement itself) and we held hands. We even promised to make a new ice cream flavor together in the future and I get to have unlimited serving from his shop. See? How cute this kid is!

Matty’s former teacher and my boss advised me that I need to be firm with him, but at the same time let him feel like he can trust me. The trusting is manageable, to the point that it’s easy sometimes, but being firm? Hmm… It’s really not one of my forte.

Acting serious and angry is something I find difficult to do. I don’t even get annoyed easily and I don’t get angry! Still, as a teacher in this field, I would have to develop another aspect of myself, which is learning how to be firm with kids when needed.

There’s much to learn from my new job. It’s difficult, but I love the fact that I’m growing along with these kids. Well, I do hope they learn from me. If I can see even just a peek of improvement from one of my students, all these episodes of complaints and wariness will all be worth it.

 

One more time

I should really subscribe to the saying “try and try until you succeed” because that would get me going every time I feel the need to give up when the going gets tough. It’s an old, rotten weakness of mine, giving up in the middle of the battle. Actually, sometimes I don’t even reach the middle of the battlefield because once I feel the danger, I scurry to the safe zone. You see, I’m not exactly a risk-taker, and ironically an impulsive person, too.

Anyhow, on my previous post I relayed the difficulty I experienced with biking to work and the dreadful reality of the effort one has to make in doing so. Well, upon going home, things were a bit smoother. I actually had fun biking towards my destination within the area as I was to meet my best friend to hang out. I guess there were more downward slopes going back. Nonetheless, the experience convinced me to give it a try again. As some of my friends said, I’ll get used to it–eventually.

So there will be more hardships, probably regrets too and more curses, but hey, I’m willing to spend more time with Ohno-kun (yep, I name all my things).

IMG_1283

It’s pretty, isn’t it?

Although, damn, it’s pricey maintaining a bike. Just this afternoon, my uncle pointed out that the back tire is flat. When I had it checked in a bike shop, the guy said the entire tire has to be replaced because when I rode it while unaware that it was already flat, the tire folded until it tore. So tonight’s バイト money goes to bike repair. I also have to buy a bike bell, cover, and a brand new helmet. My uncle was nice enough to give me one of his spare ones, but the image of city girl with bike gets damaged with the Marlboro passionate cyclist helmet. For now, I’ll hold on to it.

Probably should read-up more on how to maintain a bike, too. So much work!

いきましょう、オノーくん!

 

 

Expectation VS Reality: Biking Edition

Good morning, everyone! How do you do?

Life has been well. Things in school are still pretty at ease since most of my students are still relaxing happily abroad (yes, most of my kids were born with a golden spoon in their mouths), so I have plenty of time plotting how I can deal with them.

Anyway, I’ve done what I’ve always wanted to do for the first time this morning: biking to work. Yes! As my workplace is walking distance from my house, I thought, hey why not bike to it. I mean, I’ve just purchased my brand new “mamachari” a month ago, why not give it a test drive.

And so my happy trail to work began with enthusiasm and confidence which waned down more and more and more until I almost blacked out.

Okay, I’ve always had this image of biking as a wonderful thing. I used to love biking when I was young, until I got into an accident and my mother practically cursed the idea of me ever getting into one again. Several years later, I was inspired by the image of Honey and Clover‘s Takemoto biking to the most end point of Japan while soul-searching. My romantic heart couldn’t shake the idea away of that nothing short of wonderful. Actually, watch enough Japanese anime/movie/drama and the idea of biking would seem so ideal. I’ve learned that a lot of my Japanese students in my online work also bike to work. Moreover, doesn’t biking promote good health and care for the environment? I’m all up for that!

 

 

However in my current state, with my almost non-existent history of physical activities, my lungs and leg muscles easily give up. While biking earlier, I had to stop at intersections just to catch my breath. I really thought I was going to have a heart attack because my heart was pounding so aggressively, it almost hurt. Later on I sort of felt cold and I got a bit dizzy, so I had to sit down on the lamp post’s base. I felt some eyes  on me, but I didn’t care. If they offered me water, I would have been so happy!

I guess that was also one of my mistakes: not bringing water. Since I leave my water bottle in the school, I didn’t have one while biking. I felt so tired and dehydrated that I almost ran out of energy pushing the bike towards my school building.

What a pathetic sight I was, especially in the eyes of other people biking in the area.

In conclusion, biking to work was a bitch. I wouldn’t say I would never do this again, but maybe not so soon. I’d have to plan this well and not impulsively like today. My fantasy lifted me up to the heavens just to drop me in the belly of reality with a slap.

Oh well, what a morning!

 

And oh, I’d have to endure the same thing going home later. SHEEZUS!

Happy 26th

Guuuuuuh, it’s another year added to my life. Lucky, aren’t I? Of course. Though I frequently say that age is just a number, cliche yes, but of course I can’t relate at times, as well. I thought I felt pretty old when I was 23, and not three years older, I feel much older! I can’t complain too much though, I don’t have a choice anyway.

Nonetheless, things in my life recently have been, well...well.

I’m struggling with my new work, but I’m glad my co-teachers and my boss are all open to communication so I can ask questions and guidance anytime I want. Although, that itself, a good thing, is an issue with me.

You see, I’m pretty much independent with myself. If I can grip the idea of the world by myself, I won’t bother others. However, seeing results takes a long time with this attitude. Soon enough, I’d have to change this aspect of myself and learn to depend more on others if I want to do well in this job faster. After all, the kids are not the one whose giving me pressure, it’s the parents! They can be quite demanding, I feel, if they want to. *sigh*

Anyway, happy 26th birthday to me.

To myself,

Be more patient, more hardworking, and more motivated. Be less insecure, and be less of a procrastinator. You are a good person, and try to be as good as you can be. Things will fall into place soon enough, just hang in there.

 

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YATTA!

うれしいいいいいいい~~~~!

Finally. DEEP SIGH. Finally.

I feel that this is finally it. I may or may not have found a job which may actually turn into a career. I mean, for once I can feel myself staying in this field for a long time if I try hard enough. And I really should try to do my best.

I haven’t started with the job yet and I don’t know what to expect. I probably do not have any expectations yet, which I think is a good thing since I won’t be disappointed and my mind is fresh to accept new knowledge and develop new skills.

Perhaps in these five years that I’ve been denying the possibility that teaching could be the career for me, I’m actually on my way there. Well, hopefully. I didn’t understand how some teachers could stay in the job for over 20 years with the kind of salary they get, especially for public school teachers, but now I think I sort of get it. Although I’m technically a tutor, probably short of what a proper teacher should be (I don’t have teaching units), but there’s something very charming about teaching.

Teaching is a long, often vexing, arduous process of helping a student develop a skill or understand an idea. It is mentally challenging and often emotionally frustrating to get to a point where you and the student notice improvements and progress. Just when you think that you’ve done enough help, the achievement gives you such a rewarding experience not only as a teacher, but also a human that you carry on until the next eureka.

Thus, my five-year love-hate relationship with teaching (ESL).

This time I’d be teaching reading and creative writing to very young kids. I don’t have any classroom experience, let alone a kindergarten class experience, so I hope my co-workers and superiors would be patient enough to guide me all the way, especially since I have a tendency to get confused and overwhelmed in the beginning of new tasks.

I wanted to keep this news a bit of a secret to the world (including my friends) until the next week because I have this suspicion that too good things should be kept in the dark until everything is ironed out so as not to be jinxed, but I just gotta share the good news to some people. And it felt really nice when they I saw how happy they are for me.

LET’S DO THIS! がんばります!

Rather than smiling because things are enjoyable, I always think that if you smile there’s something enjoyable waiting for you.

Masaki Aiba 相葉 雅紀 (ARASHI/ ), Japanese Idol, singer, actor, performer, radio host

 

Hello! How’s life?

This blog has been neglected in the past week, hasn’t it? I’m very sorry about that. I couldn’t even find the time to post daily quotes. I’ve been a bit depressed due to my failed job application which I hoped for greatly from my last post. I’ve been mending the damage through watching a lot of Japanese variety shows of my favorite Japanese idol group, ARASHI (嵐); they have been very helpful, and continuously until I landed on this very touching message from Aiba-kun. Reading this message gives me hope for my unforeseeable future, and it gives me strength to continue smiling.

I am bound for three job interviews in the next few days until Friday. If I don’t land any of these jobs, the possibility of going to Japan next year for a hanami birthday would seem very bleak. I also don’t know what my mental and emotional state would be. I’m not used consistent to rejections. Nonetheless, I’m not setting my expectation too high. I just want to at least feel secured of my financial situation, especially that there’s a lot to fix in our house alone. Anyhow, if time would remain abundant, maybe I can start practicing my Nihongo again. I’m watching a lot of Japanese shows anyway, maybe I should coordinate the situation with my studies.

Anyway, I come back with renewed strength and faith in the future. I’ll try posting more often here again.

Take care, everyone!

EGAD, LET THIS BE IT.

ImageIt turns out that my favorite polaroid speaks volumes of my constant struggle in life: crossroads.

I’ve been away from this blog because, again, I feel detached from the world and I think I’ve let my worries shrink me into a sad child.

Life is confusing me. I will be 26 in a few weeks, but I still don’t know where to go, or what I want in life. I don’t know what to go after. I’m quite okay where I am, but even that small space I have built for myself as my “secret annex” feels is in danger of collapsing any minute. I suppose it’s a knee-jerk reaction to evacuate and find a more stable sanctuary, yes?

Starting over with a new job is a bitch, but nothing compares to the feeling of being lost, the confusion as to why you are where you are, if you should move forward or stay or risk or just try to be content. TRY.

Anyhow, I hope this is finally the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to feel secure at least, the happiness can follow suit.

So…wish me luck. Whoever you are.

がんばります!

Howard’s Mother’s Brisket and the SHAMY

Sheldon: Do you have any idea what it’s like to see your mother ravishing someone?

Howard: …does a brisket count?

The Big Bang Theory Season 07The Mother Observation (TV)

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL This episode of The Big Bang Theory surely got me cracking! And I just had to quote this part of Howard and Sheldon’s conversation because Howard’s mother jokes always makes me laugh out loud. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have anything against mothers, or obese women, it’s just that Howard’s jokes about his mother always have the extra mile in terms of comedic timing, so there’s that extra punch and laughter.

Simon Helberg is a great actor! He should be nominated for the Emmy’s too!

On the other hand, I feel that the writers are still waiting for the SHAMY-dom to cool down before they deliver the next step-forward after that milestone of a kiss. Hmmm…now that Sheldon discovered his mother’s extracullicular activities against her preaching of the Bible, I wonder if Sheldon’s gonna consider coitus with Amy? I mean, he did suggest it once to her, but Amy was still in her shell that time and without a relationship agreement with Sheldon, so I believe he’s not entirely against the act if the partner is agreeable to him.

He’s already kissed her and he liked it…maybe there will be developments.

*crosses-fingers*

LONG LIVE THE SHAMY! ❤