It’s not a pleasant thought, John, but I have this terrible feeling from time to time that we all might just be human. –Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock, Episode 3, Season 4 (British TV series)

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Day 105: 04.15.17

For some reason, my gadgets are turning pastel. Is this any indication to my changing femininity? WEW. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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Anyway, I found some old writings while sorting my study table yesterday!

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Ah~ I miss writing postcards and receiving one. I should probably revisit my dusty Postcrossing account.

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Written in 2006, the dark-writing years. I dunno. I never had a rebellious phase, but I had a dark-thinking phase that usually reflected my poems. They were usually of words and phrases put together probably made sense that time, but they are just incomprehnsible to me now. HAHA! If it’s any indication of my heart, I’m a happier person now. 😀

Day 104: 04.14.17

YAY! Daily goals were unlocked today! If I were a Sims character, I could be having some gold right now. Or a date.

Eherm.

Anyhow, to assure continuous entertainment of my muses, I decided to do a writing challenge which I’ve done some years ago. It’s a 10-day writing challenge which has a prompt and sentence-count limit each day. I remember following this rigorously, completing the 10 challenges in 10 days. Although I skipped Day 5 because I haven’t watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” back then.

This is the list of the challenge:

Day One: Write ten lines of dialogue between two characters who had drunken sex/conversation/activities last night and are not talking about it. Ever.

Day Two: Write a scene in four sentences in which two characters bond over something that would seem trivial to a passerby.

Day Three: Write seven sentences from the perspective of a passerby witnessing Day Two’s scene.

Day Four: Write a character’s reaction to someone’s love confession in one sentence.

Day Five: Write a scene in eight sentences in which someone’s going through his/her version of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Day Six: Write a scene in six sentences in which a character is searching for someone in the last moments of the end of the world.

Day Seven: Write a breakup scene in three sentences without giving the reason for it or using dialogue.

Day Eight: Write two characters’ second kiss in two sentences.

Day Nine: Ask flist for prompts. Write one sentence each for the first five prompts you receive.

Day Ten: Use these lyrics as a prompt: “There’s only now/There’s only here/Give in to love/Or live in fear” (“Another Day” from RENT) and write a story in nine sentences.

It’s one of the most enjoyable challenges I’ve encountered for writing. The limit also challenged brevity. But because I have a natural knack for run-on sentences (sahsarreeh), I get away with it. Unless someone corrects me, I’m still within the requirement!

LOL.

Anyhow, I finished this challenge in three or four days. The muses were very generous in motivating me. Moreover, this time, I mainly used MayWard as my characters whereas before, the super bonus challenge of it was to use different pairing for each day. Nonetheless, both approach to the challenges was rewarding.

I’m not sure how much longer the muses would be in town, so I’m really maximizing my free time in producing as much work as I can. Somehow I’m getting attached to publishing my works and having people react to it, so I have to redirect myself again with thoughts of writing for myself primarily before others. Being satisfied with my own work comes first before thinking of what others think of it.

HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM *insert temple sounds*

Yeeeeeeah, I should probably visit the temple again these days.

On another note, finally had the chance to watch “Die Beautiful”. It was one of the most raved films from the previous Metro Manila Film Festival.

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Thank heavens they decided to actually include films of substance in this festival finally. It’s about time the Filipino people are offered variety.

No, erase that.

It’s about time Filipino movies with substance are forced down the “masa”‘s throat because the variety, the choices had always been there, but a lot still choose the light and flighty kind of films that has limited take-away. We can always be both entertained and informed at the same time.

I have limited words to explain how amazing this movie is for me, so I’ll just do some highlights and impressions.

I’m always going to be floored by how witty, sharp-tongued, and frank gays are towards each other and still be really good friends who help each other out through thick and thin in the end. Yes, this is a requirement for strong friendships, but straight males and females like to use their sensitivities to their advantage, backed-up by social norms and gender identities.

I was thinking that gays, sometimes identified as the a “third gender” are the social outcasts, the new, progressive neighbors who decided to settle in an old, traditional town. Being outcasts, they don’t have anyone else but each other to seek help and comfort with. I haven’t done enough research as to why some gays feel the need to be over-the-top with the way they dress, their make-up, their walk, and they even have “gay-linggo” now. Being able to invent your own language is solid ground for establishing identity, and the gays have it! I guess, this kind of image is empowerment for them, so they stick together and look out for each other with, fantasies and realities and all.

Anyhow, this is the kind of relationship Trisha and Barbs had.

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Trisha is the friend that has her head up in the clouds, always dreaming of being a gay queen and transforming completely into a woman.

filmpolice-die-beautiful-resized-loresShe defied family just to give herself the freedom to be Trisha instead of Patrick. Her idea of a job is joining beauty contests because it feeds both her stomach and ego. She worked hard to save enough money for implants and surgeries to make herself more womanly. In pageants, her focus is on delivering a great impression through costumes, poise, confidence, and gimmick, but not enough on the question and answer. This gave me the impression that Trisha, in her stubbornness to head on with her dream, she did not give herself enough time to answer the questions that linger in her day-to-day dilemmas. It seemed like the grandeur and dazzle of the stage, the colors of make-up and costumes were enough for her to ignore the dull realities of life. That in every person she’s able to copy through make-up, she is facing life with a different face and confidence.

Nonetheless, there is a saying in Filipino that goes, Ang may tiyaga, may nilaga. And perseverance Trisha had. In the end, before her life ended, she was able to bag the Miss Gay Universe title, deliver the only Q&A speech she memorized, and exit the world of the living dolled-up like she wanted.

Despite Trisha as the main character, I was in love with the character of Barbs from the beginning. She is the loyal, i’ll-put-you-down-in-place-if-I-have-to-bitch-because-you’re-getting-stupid kind of friend. She is confident, but not boisterous. Between the two of them, Barbs is more grounded than her BFF. At a young age, she had used her make-up skills to earn extra in weddings and events and eventually helped Trisha to do the same when she was kicked out of their house. She joined beauty contests for the fun of it, but eventually confessed to Trisha that she just wanted to lay low and was only joining to support her friend when they got a bit older. For Barbs, being a woman and a beauty queen was not an obsession or a dream, but merely a possibility. She was there for the fun, the money, and the experience, not the title. Or at least that’s the impression I had of her from the movie. Unlike Trisha who once confronted another gay because of her cheating “husband”, Barbs was the one who acted the threats that Thresia only barked. She didn’t mind getting hurt for her friend, nor sacrifice getting her face scratched. The face is a very important asset to protect in beauty pageants, obviously.

One of the best Barbs moment for me was when she and Trisha were talking about how they want to look like in their funerals. Thresia wanted the 7-day fabulous make-over revolution type of funeral (which was one of the catch of the films since Paolo Ballesteros did this in real life), but Barbs said she wants to be in the usual barong. While Thresia laughed at this and found it absurd, Barbs said that it was enough that she played with her mind, heart, and body while alive, but when her time is over, she’ll give back to God what he gave originally. This confession had me a bit chocked up, for some reason.

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And I can relate to Barbs on so many levels as the head of the funeral for Trisha. Being gone through the same ordeal of making decisions for a dead loved, greeting guests, staying up, and mourning at the same time, it’s a physically, mentally, and emotionally draining time. When all you want is to curl up like a ball and go through the process of feeling pain and letting go, you just don’t have the time. Barbs was always beside Trisha from when she was alive, until her death. Barbs’ loneliness was only apparent when she was alone looking and talking at the dead Thresia, her mind going back and fort the memories they had together while doing her friend’s make up and fulfilling a promise. In those moments when Barbs would fall silent and smile a bit, my heart broke.

I hope they would have a Barbs special or some sort. She deserves it!

Haaaay.

It’s one of those movies that seem to have a happy ending, but if left me with a heavy, still hurting heart. How I wish Trisha was able to live a bit longer to relish the dream she was finally able to achieve, to see her grandchild, and probably, to finally find love. But then life is sometimes not like that, and we continue living just like that.

Day 103: 04.13.17

SKAJBDASKJBFDSKFBSDMBF KJSDBFKJDSBFJSDF

I DON’T KNOW WHY I POSTPONED WATCHING IT, BUT SHERLOCK WOULD ALWAYS BE SBASJKBDDSFBDSFBDMBFGM.

SHERLOCK JUST HUGGED JOHN IN A VERY AFFECTIONATE, I’M-HERE-NOW-MY-LOVE KIND OF WAY AND I’M JUST SO FREAGIN ELLATED PUTANGINAAAAAAAAAAAA

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HUUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU

Through this episode, John was able to finally properly mourn and start letting go of Mary. I’m a JohnLock shipper, but I adored Mary completely, and I was very sad that her character died. However, as a JohnLock shipper also, I can’t help but think that Mary already knows about this special bond that Sherlock and John has beyond what they can ever have.

Haaaay.

I’m just a bit worried about the end of this season’s last episode since it seems so much like a finale: the Holmes family coming together, John moving back with Sherlock and solving crimes together, everything was back to…normal. And it’s this kind of normality that usually signals the characters living in their own space and time, away from the audience.

Well, all great things also come to an end, but I’m not ready yet.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEASON 5 PLEASE!!!

Day 102: 04.12.17

Okaaaay.

So my introverted self kicked in when I started feeling anxious about the plans of this group I’m suddenly included in.

I mean, of course I agreed to be part of it, but I guess the plans made after became quite overwhelming for me. There are plans of promoting like having teasers, banners, icons, posts about our works that it got to the point that it become quite uncomfortable with me. I guess it’s because I joined the group with very little expectation of what would happened. I thought we’ll just exchange idea, make something out of it, post it then done.

And when it comes to my writing, I’m very low key. Partly because I don’t want to disappoint myself if people don’t respond to it positively, and because like I have different gadgets for different usage, my personal social media accounts are detached of my writing accounts. So if I write in LiveJournal, I post in communities in LiveJournal. If If my target audience is in Wattpad, I post in Wattpad. So I don’t include links of my writing spaces on my Facebook, Instagram, or personal Twitter. For Twitter at least, I made a separate account for MayWard, so I can promote there.

Anyhow, I think the anxiety also came from me not being able to jump into the conversation in our group chat as easily as others. I’m more of an email/forum type of member, so group chats, especially one with a lot of members at the same time, is very fast for me. I’ve never been into chats actually. And when I cannot grip the situation, I get frustrated with it.

It’s also a bit annoying that the plans for our group (which is getting more in numbers) can easily be buried in a pile of nonsensical, albeit more fun, things in the chat. Anyway, I found a way to solve this problem, so I feel a bit better.

Oh well. We did try a move on Twitter today regarding teasing our readers, “the fans” (juskolord meron ba), and the response was quite massive. So yey for pressure! Pota.

Nonetheless, it’s been a long while since I interacted with fellow fans of a fandom whom I don’t know personally, so ang lakas maka-bata. That’s a good thing, Tita Micchie!

 

Day 101: 04.11.17

Indeed, you learn if you allow yourself to learn.

Today, I gained two new skills: diving and swimming up to the lower part of the pool and gliding forward in water.

I’m really not into swimming, so I never bothered with learning how to swim. One, I don’t like my skin getting darker; two, I find wet clothes and managing them after a chore; three, I don’t like the tired feeling after swimming. These are my reasons, of course, so I have always wondered why some people was so fond of it. Most of what I would do when I am in a pool is just to float or sit around. If I have a floater with me, I use the pool as my bed.

My co-teachers now are obviously fond of the water, so they really were down to wanting a tan, being in bikinis, and doing swimming tricks. Since I had my share of traumatic experiences in waters, I was reluctant to do the tricks they were encouraging me to do.

However, when I did try, for example swimming between the legs of friend underwater, I was somehow able to do it! It took me several times just staying and moving underwater, but I was able to improve myself from the first fail because I willed myself to improve. If I allowed myself to just laze around in water and not try again and seek guidance from my friends, then I wouldn’t feel this good about myself now.

Now, I think I have a new perspective about swimming. I’m excited to have a go again. 🙂

Day 100: 04.10.17

I left Manila to go to Batangas satisfied despite having less than four hours of sleep. Lo and behold, the writing muse decided to stay and help me with one of the best fics I’ve written so far.

Story-wise, it’s not the strongest, but I think that it is one of the strongest in terms of character introspection and personal writing style. It took me until 3 o’clock to publish it since I was stuck for a long time on how to end it and getting the theme across. This is a common dilemma for me since I don’t plan my stories. Yes, even if that’s one thing  always emphasize my writing students. Learn by example. Haha! Nonetheless, I finished it and left for my trip with my co-teachers proud and content.

The van ride to Calatagan, Batangas felt quite like a long one, even if my co-teachers repeatedly commented that it was actually a fast one. Anyhow, the villa we stayed in was very private (it was away from town), serene, and quaint. And it had a porch swing!

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Instantly my favorite spot of the house!

I spent many moments here just letting my mind go blank, imagine a story, wonder about different things, or read.

I’m not a beach person, but I do always enjoy the company of friends that I love who happens to like going to the beach for a swim. Anyhow, beautiful beaches always make it a point to convince me otherwise, so I was more than willing to stay and shoot pictures!

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Our boat ride to “Mini Boracay” took us less than 15 minutes, and our swim at the sea was less than an hour, but I think our photoshoot time for this breath-taking painting of a sunset was more than their time combined.

I usually use filters to improve the colors, highlights, and shadows of my photos, but these ones needed minimal to no tweaking at all! Nature and natural at its best!

A few more shots to boast:

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Thank you, Teacher Treasia for the well-composed shot!

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Clear, clear water that presents its greens

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Oh the lovely ladies. Yes, we fab!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!

Even if my birthday was a week ago already, the girls gave me a belated birthday cupcake for me to blow and make a wish!

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Thank you! 😀

 

Day 99: 04.09.17

I just spent the entire afternoon helping my older brother figure out how to make a Russel (“Up”, Pixar) costume for a gigantic easter egg. 

He didn’t come with zero effort on his own, so “Eggy” (as we ended up calling him) initially looked like this: 


He was an egg originally, but since the plan is to turn him into a boy who looked like this: 

He needed limbs! And what better way to grow an egg some arms and legs but to amputate someone. Unfortunately, the sentence was given to one of our furry dog stuffed toys. Thus, the hairiness. 

Excuse that. 

Now, basically what my older brother needed–demanded–from me was that I make a pattern for the clothes since I’m “creative”. 

Dude, lemme tell ya. Creativity has nothing to do with sewing. It’s all about skills and giving enough attention to your economics teacher in grade school. Pssh. 

Well, I got creative alright. 

So lo and behold! After four fucking hours of figuring out what life was about when you’re stuck in a deal you agreed for pizza and ice cream, you get creative to survive. To be fair, we were able to produce the patterns and prototype costumes he would present to his members tomorrow and they look  decent, mind you

In the end, here’s folk dancer, Eggy! 

What a cutie pie! 

The picture couldn’t do justice to have us a peek of his skinny jeans my brother made with his big, rough hands. And yeah, a trip to a waxing salon would help heaps in the grooming angle. 

Though I was reserving the afternoon to writing and organizing my media files, I was actually happy my brother sought my help. We never bonded over projects when we were kids in the same house. I also missed that living room bonding moments of him with mom and I. 

💕

Day 97: 04.07.17

10 Hours

As a preschool teacher, we are prone to being infected by our kids’ viruses whether we like it or not. One, they cling to us at random times of the day; two, they are adorable as fudge. I cannot go without a hug and kiss from my favorite kid, or anyone, in a day!

Yes, the kisspirin and yakapsul exists everyday in a preschool setting.

So a few hours of being kissed in the lips by one of my kids who I remember having a runny nose after a minute of the smack, there goes the sneezes. By the end of the day, I had to skip my part-time job to rest at home.

From six to eight, I just checked on fandom-related things, then I went to sleep. I was expecting to wake up at midnight or at least around 5 AM, but I woke up at 6:30!!! That’s more than ten freagin hours of sleep! Wew.

I woke up with a bit of a headache and still sniffing, but after shower, the head-pounding was gone, my nose felt clearer, and I saw significant improvement with my skin. It felt stretched, refreshed, and my dark circles were less visible.

So there. Lesson learned, just give your body its well deserved rest when it’s already screaming for it.


 

Loving a stranger

I ride the jeep everyday, but of course, I don’t get to ride the same jeep every time despite the same route. However, there’s one particular jeep I rode before that left a mark on me. It is a jeep driven by an old man who reminds me so much of my own grandfather. I am very fond of my grandpa, so whenever I ride that jeep, I can’t help but smile and feel warm around him. My grandpa used to drive me to work last year, so the scene was familiar.

Going home tonight, I spotted the jeep and the grandpa driver from his seat and I just had to smile. I was very glad to see him again. 🙂