Day 275: 10.07.2017

I’ve never been this talkative in a while! So talkative that I was running out of breath after a while LOL

This side of me really only comes out depending on the people I’m with. These loves are one of them. Tehee!

Cebu next year, yes? ๐Ÿ˜€

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Day 226: 08.18.17

Friday is Friday, thus, FriYAY!

HAHHAHAHA!!!

Got to hang out with my old co-teachers from Summit over Korean dinner. Had lots and lots of stories to share, of course. Too bad the Karaoke plan got iffed.

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Anyhow, I was the “annoying customer” again in the restaurant we dinned. I’m the type to ask a lot from waiters and waitresses, but of course, only when needed. Although this side of me really only comes out when service is bad and slow.

Day 171: 06.24.17

I’m usually a home person, but when your boss invites you over for a swim in an ultra exclusive, expensive resort for free, you drag your home person ass and go! 

Hello, Punta Fuego! 

Certainly enjoyed taking pictures of the sea in its different forms: bold with strong and big waves, calm and enduring in its peace. There were also rocks, beautiful landscape of rocks! 

I happen to pass these leaves that looked like it came from an Instagram post with its filtered-like color. 

And first time on a banana boat and canoe! It was fun!!! I’m definitely enjoying the water more and more because of this bunch of co-workers. I think I’m always going to remember these lovely people whenever I’m swimming. It’s a bit bittersweet, really. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Day 74: 03.15.17

After work, met my previous co-teachers for dinner at an a ridiculously pricey restaurant.

I cringe at the size of the serving and the mediocre spin at Hainanese chicken masking as something something whatever, but I do love my friends and I’m willing to bend to their sosy preferences.

Gosh, thank you for the great company.

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I missed these girls! The jump from jokes, to banters, to well wishes, and plans of the future. They are very different from the kind of friends I usually have (because they are rich kids), but they are unique and beautiful that I know I will treasure them for a long time. ๐Ÿ™‚

“Making Sense of Suicide with Sylvia Plath” (quotes)

I wasn’t certain what I was going to do, as I had no skills and nothing to offer but an expensive college degree. I know Smith got you places, New York and Cambridge and all that. But it’s come to mean less, college. They start companies at nineteen and become billionaires and buy bowling alleys. I don’t want to generalize, but unless you come in the form of a Sylvia Plath app, these tech kids probably don’t care much about you.


But getting older is actually not so awful. One of the good things, for instance, is the growing ability to make sense of the past. What I see now at forty is just how easy it was, with no purpose other than feeling good and making money, to become unequivocally lost.


Henry looked at me, and I got it. He wanted his wife to be more than just a stripper. He wanted her to be a story. He knew what I didn’t yet, which is aside from birth and death, stories are everything.


I wasn’t interested in dancing, though,” she said.
“Just being looked at?”
“Adored,” she said.


My father would tell me about how some people survive hardship, while others, inevitably, don’t. How in those situations, no matter how much I like thos people, it is important to create distance. How a drowning man will pull you down with him, even if he doesn’t want to.


I want Henry to have a had a good ending; I know he didn’t have a good ending; I’m back at the beginning wondering how he ended. There’s the guilt, of course, because maybe I could have done something. But also, my chemical makeup can’t believe that the blissful oblivion could be better than laughing in the bathroom with me.


I’ve figured out after all these years, is that I don’t live quite as largely as the two of you did. I don’t feel as much, and that makes life survivable. When I’m wandering around in the night, I don’t go all the way to the edge. I can make it all blank and just wish for things.


So here’s what I wish for you, poet genius. Here’s what I wish for Henry, the friend I didn’t save. I wish that you were correct about the whirling blackness. That the oblivion was, in fact blissful. And that, in the dark space, your dried up heart–withered from overuse–finally found the blood you were looking for. So that as the air seeped out of your lungs, the rest of your body was able, finally, to bloom, to burst, to blaze.

ย 

Katie Crouch,ย “Making Sense of Suicide with Sylvia Plath” (essay)

Friends, work, and writing

Friends: you love them or you hate them, or sometimes you’re just kinda lukewarm to them, but that’s better than not having anything between each other at all.

ใใ‚‡ใ†ใฏใ€€ใ‚ใกใ‚ƒใ€€ใŸใฎใ—ใ‹ใฃใŸ๏ผ
(Yesterday was super fun!)

I met up with my good ‘ol college buds over dinner and coffee. I believe I have recently written about the friend whom I have a falling out with but has reconciled recently, right?

Okay. Yesterday was really nice because there was not a single bad nerve between us. We were laughing all over, being loud while giggling in-between, and it was like college all over again. Of course there’s the lingering questions regarding his “dark period” which he apologized to me about, however, I think that would be saved for another time.

The thing is, I tried to summon the matter out of him, but he didn’t want to talk about it with my other friends. Through experience, I know that the only way to extract the answers from him is through patience and trust that he trusts me enough to talk, I shall have to wait. However, I am good friends with another of our mutual friend whom he’s having issues with and I’m again sandwiched between people I really love who probably hates each other.

This is not the first time I’m in the gray area between my friends’ quarrels. It’s not that I have no loyalty, but I believe in point of view. Also, I don’t want to lose both their companies, and I’m thankful enough that they still want to be my friend despite my inconsistencies.

Anyway, I certainly missed my friends. I’m so happy that we all have stable jobs (eherm for me because not yet), we are happy enough to be able to laugh when together, and we’re still the same old crazy lit folks back in college.

To be honest, being with my college friends gave me a high as the situation in my workplace is still something I cannot comprehend.

In all my past workplaces, I was able to establish friendship in less than a month. Yes, friends. In the school, it’s going to be a month in four days, yet my relationship with them remains as “colleagues”. I told my good friend, Joanna, that they are probably not my “kind of crowd”.

It’s not that my co-workers are mean to me (although I can feel one of them not liking me very much, or I probably don’t matter enough to beย  given attention), they are actually pretty nice and funny, but I think they’re not the kind of people I’d be hanging out with after work.

As arrogant as it may sound, there is a “crowd” that I hang out. Ironically, I can’t define these kinds of people because my friends have diverse personalities. It’s a matter of compatibility and impression maybe? I don’t know.

It feels horrible for me not to be able to control the situation in my environment, so despite my progress with the work, I can’t completely feel the achievement because I feel stuck with my relationship with the people I work with. I’m probably the one with the problem because I can’t seem to open up to them. The awkwardness of unfamiliarity gets to me.

Oh well, it’s only been a month. I’m gonna stay positive. I want to make at least one friend here in the school because I wanna stay here for a long time, I swear.

On a [final] side-note, it’s flattering that most of my friends who write well are still urging me to go back to writing. Maybe it’s just my fantasy, but that makes me feel that they believe in my skills, even if I’ve been on a long-term cool-off with writing for a while now.

Of course I want to be able to write again. I want to stop being afraid of what I would read on paper, I want to stop being concerned of my content. I just want my creativity with words to flow again.

*sigh*

Anyway, as I always say, ใŒใ‚“ใฐใ‚Šใพใ™๏ผ

time capsule: 2009

Funny,ย  a few weeks ago, I suddenly wondered where the time capsule I made from five years ago was. I could barely remember what it looked like, more so, what was in there. I recall some goals written on paper, but I don’t know from which subject we made that, or if it was that time capsule passing my mind.

Anyhow, this afternoon, upon cleaning our house’s treasure of junks, I found it!

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THERE YOU ARE!

Apparently, the time capsule was a small clay tube with a sealed cap, so I had to break the tube with a hammer to get the papers inside. Unfortunately, this tube was mixed with 10-year-old forgotten manuals, so some termites crept inside and did damage to the paper I wrote for God.

Yeah, thus the “dear God” caption which first peaked from the tube when I hit it. It was both a sincere apology and an expression of utter shock, believe me.

Inside, there were three small papers containing a letter to God (this time capsule was from a spiritual retreat all seniors of our uni had to undergo to), a list of five most memorable moments and/or events for me from college, and a list of my dreams/wishes five years ahead of 2009.

Well, I’m glad to say that I’ve done most of the things I dreamed for myself:

Go to Japan โœ” (Nagoya, 2011)

Learn Nihonggo โœ” (Still in basic level, but I’ll master it.)

Reunite with my college friends โœ” (We still do, from time to time)

Still writing, whether as a seasonal fanfic writer , magazine contributor, Filipino language consultant, or simply a freelance creative writer ( โœ” for seasonal fanfic writing!)

Have provided for my family and myself โœ” ( five years and counting!)

And just when I thought my life was driving to an unknown destination, I guess it is actually getting somewhere. I’m probably lost and it will take some time to get there, wherever that is.

Seeing this time capsule made me nostalgic. I greatly miss my college days and my classmates and close friends. My mom once told me that high school is considered the prime period of youth, but I’ve always felt that it was in college. I was immersed in my course as a Literature student (yep, even if I don’t seem like it) and my class, the often invisible, singular batch of a course, is my favorite. I was not chummies with everyone in my class (there was unfortunately a racist Filipino-American man and frustrated warlock), but I got along pretty well with everyone. Moreover, the circle of friends I had were amazing. We discussed and played around everything from literary texts to movies, famous historical figures and queer implications, anime to paintings, comics to fanfics, karaoke, food, our professors, anything! I always had a good attendance in class because I loved the people I shared my day with so much. Lucky that I was only a few buildings away from my best friend, too!

So yeah sigh sigh sigh those were the good days.

Yep, this kinda makes me feel old. That and me being sleepy at 9:30 PM of a Sunday.ย  Good night.

First shot

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Finally, the famous soju has graced my tongue, throat, and belly. Mmmm~ It didn’t taste as bad as I expected. Actually, this particular brand is a bit sweet, with a slight apple taste. My friends told me some are totally bitter and strong, so next time I drink soju, I’ll be looking for this brand. Thanks to my loves, the Junko gals, for urging me to still follow yesterday’s plan despite my headache. Lol. You guys!

Well, I needed the drink anyway. I’ve been craving for it since Friday, since my heartbreak of letting Tita go, dad leaving, and generally all the stress which have built up till now. I’m not too keen on drinking as much as smoking, but I indulge myself to a little bit of intoxication when the craving arise.

Moreover, I needed the company of my favorite people in the world. For once, I was able to vocally share some of my sadness albeit short. I had to stop because talking about a painful thing out loud urges my tears further. I love my friends and family, but my tears are exclusively for my eyes only. I can’t handle drama, even if I’ll be the star of it.

Anyway, I really appreciate them listening. It’s reassuring that there are sympathetic ears around me. ๐Ÿ™‚

WHAT A DAY!

I would say that 01.09.2014 is a good dayย oh yes, indeed.

Late in the afternoon I met up with Pam and Jaimy (former co-teacher and former student, respectively) at MarketMarket/Bonifacio High Street. It’s been a while since I last saw these two, especially Jaimy! She’s my very very first Korean student whom I’ve handled face-to-face so she’s very dear to me. Bonuses are of course that’s she’s super nice and even if she’s innately shy, she doesn’t mind my loudness. She’s bungisngis when you get to know her better. I’m also happy to note that after one year and four months of staying in the Philippines to study English, her skills have tremendously improved, and she doesn’t even notice it! It was wise to resign then. If I never left that school, she never would have changed teachers because Koreans are loyal like that. I think the teachers handling her now are doing a great job. She’s now more talkative because she can understand us better. I’m just so happy to note this~ โค

Meanwhile, I sort of coerced Jaimy and Pam to help me find a postcard which I’ll send to Russia for my Postcrossing contribution.

 

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They’re not very unique, but I think fitting for an entry to this new hobby. Well, if it does develop into a hobby. Soon enough I’d start snail-mailing a penpal, too. And that would be for another entry. ๐Ÿ™‚

Anywho, while browsing through the postcard section of MarketMarket’s National Bookstore, I stumbled on this:

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In the beginning, I thought it was a misplaced postcard because it wasn’t in a plastic, kinda dirty, and just plain out of place with the whole Philippines theme of the postcard rack. Until I was in line to pay for the postcards did I realize that it’s not actually one, but simply one of those cards sometimes between the pages of a book which serves as advertisement by publishing companies. Since my postcards were so generic, I wanted this monkey-boss-designed card to be a postcard so much that I just held onto it.

(You can say that I meant to steal it.)

Upon realization, despite my original intention to steal it, the card apparently, maybe, fell off someone’s book, another person mistook it too as a postcard then put it on the rack. I saw it afterward and took it. More of a finder’s keepers case.ย Since the owner is anonymous, it’s not stealing, just taking something when no one’s claiming.

And so, I have not stolen anything since 1995. YEY!

On another note, my planner is busier than I actually am:

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I know it looks like the next promising face of chaos, but I am more at home with this than a pristine page with nicely structured hand-writing. I swear.

 

ON FANDOM-related news,ย SHELDON FINALLY INITIATED A KISS AND GAVE AMY THE ROMANCE SHE DESERVES.

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Okay, last week’s episode just made me bleh, though it was funny it just didn’t feel like the old The Big Bang Theory where the mix of humor, science geekiness, and romance were balanced. I somewhat feel that season 7 put too little attention to the science element and focuses too heavily on the personal relationships. Of course I rejoice on the Sheldon/Amyย progress, but I hope there will be a progress on the science as well since the show was primarily established on that image.

So yeah, lately this feeling has left me a bit unappreciative of the humor as well, but then this episode happened.

I swear, I couldn’t stop grinning throughout!!! I started feeling soooooooooooooo sorry for Amy because Sheldon was being a jerk on their Valentines date then this scene happened.

I just melted into goo. *SIGH*

After four years of waiting, all the fanfiction written, the discussions and theories and analysis within the fandom, our collective sympathy for Amy, then this effing kiss happened.

In Tumblr, there’s a #SIK tag which I totally didn’t get for a while when I realized that the SHAMY (Sheldon/Amy) fans have been counting down the episodes when Sheldon would initiate the kiss.ย 

Do you get it? (Let’s assume you’re a smart one.)

Yep. Before this Amy had been alone initiating any kind of physically intimacy between the two of them. Actually, if one by-passes the glory of that scene that happened, Sheldon was pressured by the situation of Amy being annoyed at him and admitting that she did sort of schemed the whole vintage train atmosphere to get some romance. Basically, this whole thing happened still because of Amy’s doing. However, if you think more romantically on it, Sheldon would never kiss anybody if Amy never happened. ย 

Yeah, I definitely love this pair. They are, indeed, one of my truest OTP. 8D

(and now I sleep.

err

Yep, read

then sleep.)