Day 027 – 2018.27.01

Lovely catching up with my lovely Titas of Summit. Them my original Summit Squad.

Love you!!!

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Day 360: 12.26.2017

Day 360: 12.26.2017

It was a busy day trudging through crowded malls (which I hate) to buy remaining gifts for friends and family. Fortunately, I was done before I had to meet my brother to accompany him shopping for his girlfriend, and leave for a set time since I had to meet another friend in a another mall.

The best thing that came out of that short bonding over shopping with my lil bro is the Punyeta plan.

I’m not sure what punyeta actually means, but it is an expression one used when pissed about something and it is Spanish in origin.

Anyhow, there’s a funny spoof shirt of the Pringles logo mixed with Heneral Luna (from the movie) and his favorite expression. I’ve been wanting to buy that shirt since last year, waiting for it to be go on sale, but it never did go on sale. Salesladies said it remains a bestseller so it’s still not part of the discounted ones.

Well, expensive things are easy to buy when you’re not the one buying. This is what I’m most thankful of Christmas for.

Since my brothers and I had been reduced to cheesy siblings ever since my dad passed away (we only have each other now), we’re suddenly talking of a siblings savings account to buy a vacation house in the future (Tita and Dad have always wanted one), siblings day twice a month, and the siblings Punyeta shirt which we’ll wear on New Year’s eve! Hahahaha!

Well.
This is the cheesiest I’ve been with my brothers, but I don’t mind. Not even a bit.

So, from Megamall (North) I traveled to Mall of Asia (South) to meet my co-MES writer, MEL!

Out of all the MES writers, I think I’m closest to her. Remember that time I wrote about finally making peace with the fact that I’m not for everyday chatting in a chatroom full of young people? I think it’s because of her. I mean, I’ve never been fond and open with anyone new for such a long time. We’ve talked about many things through chat, and although we’re connected through MayWard, we actually began our chats about anime, then it was about books, being single, movies, etc. She’s also the kind of friend that even if you don’t talk to her for a long time, she doesn’t mind, but the enthusiasm remains. So when I met her in person today, I was met with a tight hug and she held my hands because she said she was nervous! AHAHAHHAHAHA! Our conversation in person easily settled into how we chatted online (we talked about an array of topics seamlessly) which was soooooooooooo nice.

I wasn’t awkward, yay!

So we promised a 2019 meet again, and I do look forward to that, seriously.
Nice meeting you, Mel! Mwah!

Day 226: 08.18.17

Friday is Friday, thus, FriYAY!

HAHHAHAHA!!!

Got to hang out with my old co-teachers from Summit over Korean dinner. Had lots and lots of stories to share, of course. Too bad the Karaoke plan got iffed.

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Anyhow, I was the “annoying customer” again in the restaurant we dinned. I’m the type to ask a lot from waiters and waitresses, but of course, only when needed. Although this side of me really only comes out when service is bad and slow.

Day 171: 06.24.17

I’m usually a home person, but when your boss invites you over for a swim in an ultra exclusive, expensive resort for free, you drag your home person ass and go! 

Hello, Punta Fuego! 

Certainly enjoyed taking pictures of the sea in its different forms: bold with strong and big waves, calm and enduring in its peace. There were also rocks, beautiful landscape of rocks! 

I happen to pass these leaves that looked like it came from an Instagram post with its filtered-like color. 

And first time on a banana boat and canoe! It was fun!!! I’m definitely enjoying the water more and more because of this bunch of co-workers. I think I’m always going to remember these lovely people whenever I’m swimming. It’s a bit bittersweet, really. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Day 74: 03.15.17

After work, met my previous co-teachers for dinner at an a ridiculously pricey restaurant.

I cringe at the size of the serving and the mediocre spin at Hainanese chicken masking as something something whatever, but I do love my friends and I’m willing to bend to their sosy preferences.

Gosh, thank you for the great company.

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I missed these girls! The jump from jokes, to banters, to well wishes, and plans of the future. They are very different from the kind of friends I usually have (because they are rich kids), but they are unique and beautiful that I know I will treasure them for a long time. ๐Ÿ™‚

“Making Sense of Suicide with Sylvia Plath” (quotes)

I wasn’t certain what I was going to do, as I had no skills and nothing to offer but an expensive college degree. I know Smith got you places, New York and Cambridge and all that. But it’s come to mean less, college. They start companies at nineteen and become billionaires and buy bowling alleys. I don’t want to generalize, but unless you come in the form of a Sylvia Plath app, these tech kids probably don’t care much about you.


But getting older is actually not so awful. One of the good things, for instance, is the growing ability to make sense of the past. What I see now at forty is just how easy it was, with no purpose other than feeling good and making money, to become unequivocally lost.


Henry looked at me, and I got it. He wanted his wife to be more than just a stripper. He wanted her to be a story. He knew what I didn’t yet, which is aside from birth and death, stories are everything.


I wasn’t interested in dancing, though,” she said.
“Just being looked at?”
“Adored,” she said.


My father would tell me about how some people survive hardship, while others, inevitably, don’t. How in those situations, no matter how much I like thos people, it is important to create distance. How a drowning man will pull you down with him, even if he doesn’t want to.


I want Henry to have a had a good ending; I know he didn’t have a good ending; I’m back at the beginning wondering how he ended. There’s the guilt, of course, because maybe I could have done something. But also, my chemical makeup can’t believe that the blissful oblivion could be better than laughing in the bathroom with me.


I’ve figured out after all these years, is that I don’t live quite as largely as the two of you did. I don’t feel as much, and that makes life survivable. When I’m wandering around in the night, I don’t go all the way to the edge. I can make it all blank and just wish for things.


So here’s what I wish for you, poet genius. Here’s what I wish for Henry, the friend I didn’t save. I wish that you were correct about the whirling blackness. That the oblivion was, in fact blissful. And that, in the dark space, your dried up heart–withered from overuse–finally found the blood you were looking for. So that as the air seeped out of your lungs, the rest of your body was able, finally, to bloom, to burst, to blaze.

ย 

Katie Crouch,ย “Making Sense of Suicide with Sylvia Plath” (essay)

Friends, work, and writing

Friends: you love them or you hate them, or sometimes you’re just kinda lukewarm to them, but that’s better than not having anything between each other at all.

ใใ‚‡ใ†ใฏใ€€ใ‚ใกใ‚ƒใ€€ใŸใฎใ—ใ‹ใฃใŸ๏ผ
(Yesterday was super fun!)

I met up with my good ‘ol college buds over dinner and coffee. I believe I have recently written about the friend whom I have a falling out with but has reconciled recently, right?

Okay. Yesterday was really nice because there was not a single bad nerve between us. We were laughing all over, being loud while giggling in-between, and it was like college all over again. Of course there’s the lingering questions regarding his “dark period” which he apologized to me about, however, I think that would be saved for another time.

The thing is, I tried to summon the matter out of him, but he didn’t want to talk about it with my other friends. Through experience, I know that the only way to extract the answers from him is through patience and trust that he trusts me enough to talk, I shall have to wait. However, I am good friends with another of our mutual friend whom he’s having issues with and I’m again sandwiched between people I really love who probably hates each other.

This is not the first time I’m in the gray area between my friends’ quarrels. It’s not that I have no loyalty, but I believe in point of view. Also, I don’t want to lose both their companies, and I’m thankful enough that they still want to be my friend despite my inconsistencies.

Anyway, I certainly missed my friends. I’m so happy that we all have stable jobs (eherm for me because not yet), we are happy enough to be able to laugh when together, and we’re still the same old crazy lit folks back in college.

To be honest, being with my college friends gave me a high as the situation in my workplace is still something I cannot comprehend.

In all my past workplaces, I was able to establish friendship in less than a month. Yes, friends. In the school, it’s going to be a month in four days, yet my relationship with them remains as “colleagues”. I told my good friend, Joanna, that they are probably not my “kind of crowd”.

It’s not that my co-workers are mean to me (although I can feel one of them not liking me very much, or I probably don’t matter enough to beย  given attention), they are actually pretty nice and funny, but I think they’re not the kind of people I’d be hanging out with after work.

As arrogant as it may sound, there is a “crowd” that I hang out. Ironically, I can’t define these kinds of people because my friends have diverse personalities. It’s a matter of compatibility and impression maybe? I don’t know.

It feels horrible for me not to be able to control the situation in my environment, so despite my progress with the work, I can’t completely feel the achievement because I feel stuck with my relationship with the people I work with. I’m probably the one with the problem because I can’t seem to open up to them. The awkwardness of unfamiliarity gets to me.

Oh well, it’s only been a month. I’m gonna stay positive. I want to make at least one friend here in the school because I wanna stay here for a long time, I swear.

On a [final] side-note, it’s flattering that most of my friends who write well are still urging me to go back to writing. Maybe it’s just my fantasy, but that makes me feel that they believe in my skills, even if I’ve been on a long-term cool-off with writing for a while now.

Of course I want to be able to write again. I want to stop being afraid of what I would read on paper, I want to stop being concerned of my content. I just want my creativity with words to flow again.

*sigh*

Anyway, as I always say, ใŒใ‚“ใฐใ‚Šใพใ™๏ผ

time capsule: 2009

Funny,ย  a few weeks ago, I suddenly wondered where the time capsule I made from five years ago was. I could barely remember what it looked like, more so, what was in there. I recall some goals written on paper, but I don’t know from which subject we made that, or if it was that time capsule passing my mind.

Anyhow, this afternoon, upon cleaning our house’s treasure of junks, I found it!

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THERE YOU ARE!

Apparently, the time capsule was a small clay tube with a sealed cap, so I had to break the tube with a hammer to get the papers inside. Unfortunately, this tube was mixed with 10-year-old forgotten manuals, so some termites crept inside and did damage to the paper I wrote for God.

Yeah, thus the “dear God” caption which first peaked from the tube when I hit it. It was both a sincere apology and an expression of utter shock, believe me.

Inside, there were three small papers containing a letter to God (this time capsule was from a spiritual retreat all seniors of our uni had to undergo to), a list of five most memorable moments and/or events for me from college, and a list of my dreams/wishes five years ahead of 2009.

Well, I’m glad to say that I’ve done most of the things I dreamed for myself:

Go to Japan โœ” (Nagoya, 2011)

Learn Nihonggo โœ” (Still in basic level, but I’ll master it.)

Reunite with my college friends โœ” (We still do, from time to time)

Still writing, whether as a seasonal fanfic writer , magazine contributor, Filipino language consultant, or simply a freelance creative writer ( โœ” for seasonal fanfic writing!)

Have provided for my family and myself โœ” ( five years and counting!)

And just when I thought my life was driving to an unknown destination, I guess it is actually getting somewhere. I’m probably lost and it will take some time to get there, wherever that is.

Seeing this time capsule made me nostalgic. I greatly miss my college days and my classmates and close friends. My mom once told me that high school is considered the prime period of youth, but I’ve always felt that it was in college. I was immersed in my course as a Literature student (yep, even if I don’t seem like it) and my class, the often invisible, singular batch of a course, is my favorite. I was not chummies with everyone in my class (there was unfortunately a racist Filipino-American man and frustrated warlock), but I got along pretty well with everyone. Moreover, the circle of friends I had were amazing. We discussed and played around everything from literary texts to movies, famous historical figures and queer implications, anime to paintings, comics to fanfics, karaoke, food, our professors, anything! I always had a good attendance in class because I loved the people I shared my day with so much. Lucky that I was only a few buildings away from my best friend, too!

So yeah sigh sigh sigh those were the good days.

Yep, this kinda makes me feel old. That and me being sleepy at 9:30 PM of a Sunday.ย  Good night.