Day 122: 05.03.17

“Ordinary Day” – Vanessa Carlton

Just a day,
Just an ordinary day.
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.
And as he asked if I would come along
I started to realize
That everyday he finds
Just what he’s looking for,
Like a shooting star he shines.

He said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don’t you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand

And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words
Although they did not feel
For I felt what I had not felt before
And you’d swear those words could heal.
And as I looked up into those eyes
His vision borrows mine.
And I know he’s no stranger,
For I feel I’ve held him for all of time.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can
Don’t you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand.

Please come with me,
See what I see.
Touch the stars for time will not flee.
Time will not flee.
Can you see?

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream.
As I wake in bed
And the boy, that ordinary boy
Or was it all in my head?
Did he asked if I would come along
It all seemed so real.
But as I looked to the door,
I saw that boy standing there with a deal.

And he said take my hand,
Live while you can,
Don’t you see all your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand
In the palm of your hand,
In the palm of your hand.

Just a day, just an ordinary day
Just trying to get by.
Just a boy,
Just an ordinary boy.
But he was looking to the sky.

私の世界 (My World)

Sekai juu no te ki ni kou sansa
Tatakau ishiwanai
Sekai juu no hito no shiawase wo inori masu
Sekai no dare no jama mo shimasen
Shizuka ni shitemasu
Sekai no naka no chiisana basho da are ba ii
okashii de suka?
Hito wa sore zore chigau desho? Desho? Desho?

Dakara onegai kakawaranai de
Sotto shi to i te kudasai
Dakara onegai kakawaranai de
watashi no koto wa hotte o ite


They win—I give up.
I don’t have the will to fight back.
I’ll just pray that they can all be happy.
I’ll live my life and they can live theirs,
quiet and peaceful.
If all I have in this world is a little place to call home, I’ll be fine.
Is that so strange?
‘Cuz you know, everyone’s different, right?
So please don’t concern yourself with me.
I’ll be fine by myself.
So please, don’t concern yourself with me.
Just leave me be.

Despite the innocent, happy sound of this song (with children singing it, to boot) this is one of the saddest, truthful songs I’ve encountered. The song is as short as your usual children’s song, so the lyrics are just straight the point.

If the beginning of the lyrics didn’t begin with, “I give up, they win. I don’t have the will to fight back”, I’d probably make this my personal anthem as I love spending days by myself at home and not really concerning about others’ opinions or their opinion of me. If I’m not being a bother to them, why bother me? However, I do fight back when needed. I don’t just give up for the heck of it. I make sure that to give up would mean redeeming myself next time.

Anyway, as a song this is a very singable one. So I’m trying to memorize the lyrics. With these trying times which makes me want to leave life and say fuck it all, this would be my goodbye song to the world.

Music: “Tadhana” by Up Dharma Down

Sa hindi inaaasahang
Pagtatagpo ng mga mundo
May minsan lang na nagdugtong,
Damang dama na ang ugong nito.
Di pa ba sapat ang sakit at lahat
Na hinding hindi ko ipararanas sa’yo
Ibinubunyag ka ng iyong mata
Sumisigaw ng pag-sinta.

Bakit di papatulan
Ang pagsuyong nagkulang
Tayong umaasang
Hilaga’t kanluran
Ikaw ang hantungan
At bilang kanlungan mo
Ako ang sasagip sa’yo
.

Saan nga ba patungo,
Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan na
Ang bagyo ng tadhana ay
Dinadala ako sa init ng bisig mo
Bakit di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin
Ipauubaya na lang ba ‘to sa hangin
‘Wag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako’t nakikinig sa’yo

Whoo… oohh… ho… ooohh…
Whoo… oohh… ho… ooohh…
Whoo… oohh… ho… ooohh…
Whoo… ohhh…

Lalalala…

—-

I am in love with this song. ❤

Hello, Insomnia.

Not very pleased to meet with you on a Monday midnight.

 

I have been up since 3:30 in the morning. I woke up needing to pee then I couldn’t get my sleep back. I rolled around in bed trying to drift to sleep, but my mind was immediately active and would not stop thinking! It’s 6:30 now, I have to go work in a few hours, but I’ve only rested for three hours.

Egaaaaaaaaaaaaaad, I wanna cry.

I swear, McDonald’s coffee float could be the sole culprit of this crime! I ordered this drink when I hanged out with my best friend yesterday afternoon. When it was time to go home, we both got sleepy. She also ordered coffee, but it was iced. Nonetheless, McDonald’s coffee, right? Anyhow, I tried to sleep early but the amount of Ohno-goodness on the net kept me browsing for more, so I slept around a few minutes before 12 after finishing reading a fanfic.

I knew I sort of wanted to pee before I fell asleep, but tiredness got the better of me. And so my bladder woke me up a few hours later, then here I am typing with really sore eyes.

I’ve had insomnia for years actually, I just never really paid much attention to it. I thought my abnormal sleep patterns and difficulty in sleeping were mere consequences of my lifestyle. Well, the lifestyle which causes me insomnia. There was a point when I’d feel sluggish the whole week because of my lack of quality sleep, so I started reading a few articles regarding the matter.

Some articles pointed out that quality sleep beyond quantity of sleep. Of course we got to sleep as much as we can, especially we need a good sleep at night (or during the day for night workers), however, if your short sleep was peaceful and deep, you’d feel as strong as a person who slept well with good hours. Moreover, insomniacs have to find a way to get themselves tired or very relaxed to fall asleep.

In my case, I usually listen to music or a radio recording/drama, or read a book. Music used to be very effective in lulling me, but over the years the music distracted me more. If I listen to music to sleep, I need to listen to foreign music like Japanese or Korean so my brain can disregard decoding the meaning of the lyrics. Reading books is more of my preference these days, especially when I had my kindle. Anyway, I’d read with a lamp before for my paperbacks when I really liked it, but the Kindle gave me more reasons to read. Anyhow, reading relaxes my mind and usually tires my eyes enough that I’d instantly fall asleep. Sometimes the stories would keep my mind more awake, but if I try to imagine the continuation of the stories in my head, they make me feel at eased, then I fall asleep!

*sigh*

Oh, I’ve said enough, haven’t I? *YAWN*

I think I’m ready to get a few hours of wink before starting to work. Wish me luck today!

 

Quotes: “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”

“Tikkun olam.”

Exactly. Basically, it says that the world has been broken into pieces. All this chaos, all this discord. And our job – everyone’s job – is to try to put the pieces back together. To make things whole again.”

And you believe that?”

I guess I do. I mean, I don’t know how the world broke. And I don’t know if there’s a God who can help us fix it. But the fact that the world is broken – I absolutely believe that. Just look around us. Every minute – every single second – there are a million things you could be thinking about. A million things you could be worrying about. Our world – don’t you feel we’re becoming more and more fragmented? I used to think that when I got older, the world would make so much more sense. But you know what? The older I get, the more confusing it is to me. The more complicated it is. Harder. You’d think we’d be getting better at it. But there’s just more and more chaos. The pieces – they’re everywhere. And nobody knows what to do about it. I find myself grasping, Nick. You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe in that.”

Do you really think it’s getting worse? I mean, aren’t we better off than we were twenty years ago? Or a hundred?”

We’re better off. But I don’t know if the world’s better off. I don’t know if the two are the same thing.”

You’re right.”

Excuse me?”

I said, ‘You’re right.’”

But nobody ever says, ‘You’re right.’ Just like that.”

Really?”

Really.”

…Then it hits me.

Maybe we’re the pieces,”

What?”

Maybe that’s it. With what you were talking about before. The world being broken. Maybe it isn’t that we’re supposed to find the pieces and put them back together. Maybe we’re the pieces. Maybe, what we’re supposed to do is come together. That’s how we stop the breaking.”

Tikkun olam.”

“There’s no such thing as ready,” she says. “There’s only willing.”

“We are the ones who take this thing called music and line it up with this thing called time. We are the ticking, we are the pulsing, we are underneath every part of this moment. And by making the moment our own, we are rendering it timeless. There is no audience. There are no instruments. There are only bodies and thoughts and murmurs and looks. It’s the concert rush to end all concert rushes, because this is what matters. When the heart races, this is what it’s racing towards.”

 

Rachel Cohn and David Levithan, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (novel)

The Playlist: 90s oldies

Music is one of the best things humanity has ever created. Obviously, I’m a “fan”.

Anyway, I’m not the type to make a playlist. I basically don’t get the idea of having to chose from a heap of mp3 files to classify as “emotional”, “party”, or “airplane jam” (I admittedly have a folder I play when jogging, no name, mind you). Mostly I listen to music either by artist or language. However, in this very particular Monday spent utmost cozy, I was suddenly lulled to the music of the 90s.

I know, we have this throwback Thursday” thing on the net now, but what the heck, you reminisce because you have memory and a brain, you become nostalgic because you have emotions and a heart so throwbacks can happen any day, okay?

I present!

Eraserheads – Minsan

Bellefire – I’ll Never Get Over You Getting Over Me

INOJ – Let Me Love You Down

INOJ – Time After Time

Kavana – Will You Wait For Me

Joane Osbourne – What if God Was One Of Us

Indigo Girls – Power of Two

4 Non Blondes – What’s Up*

*Karaoke favorite!

I’d love to make a playlist in the future for my favorite Japanese songs as well. They merit an entirely different post because God knows how much Japanese culture has dominated my being.

Anyway, enjoy the songs! (Do YT/download them yourselves, guys.)