dirty shoes

Sometimes the dirtier, riskier road is the better one to take.

It’s the thought that plagued my mind today after an urge to walk my favorite green, muddy path to school made me get off the jeepney on impulse.

It’s been a while, actually.

On most weekdays, I am taken to school by my grandfather since he drops my aunt to work ever since the world began. With my aunt now working very close to our school, I have had the privellage of a “school service” years after graduating primary school. How ironic. Well, the convenience of a service has been great, of course, but I somehow feel like I’ve missed on a lot of things.

While walking to work (school) this morning (after alighting the jeep), I noticed an orange building standing tall from a distance. It’s actually just behind our school building, or I could be wrong. From my distance, my perception was askwed, so the building could have been beyond what I assume. Nonetheless, it was there. After six months of walking the same path almost everyday to work, it was the first time I’ve seen that building.

So I’m rambling about a discovered building from a distance which could be just my imagination (if I think about it from another angle), but the point I’m trying to drive at is simple, actually.

If I didn’t chose to get off that jeepney (since I paid to be dropped off a different place which was actually cleaner and safer) at that certain moment, I would never have that eureka moment. My day would have been the same, and I probably won’t bother to post this. What’s special about my days, anyways? However, this single, humble discovery brought me so much more than a mere visual. Maybe I’m just romantesizing, but isn’t if fascinating for our world to grow a bit wider every time we have a discovery? No matter how miniscule the importance is, our world shifts–somehow–because of this discovery.

The next time I walk the same path, I’d be wondering about the orange building, heck, I’d probably seek for it. So you see, my walks in the same path will never be the same again. The green grass, the brown, murky field, the tall buildings, and even the paleness or clearness of the sky is affected by that orange building from a distance. Everything changes.

Despite my working conditions getting worse by the months as I’m walking on scalding eggshells, me being in a pinch with my boss, and my insecurity blooming while I feel myself digging further into my shell, this musing was a breath of fresh air. It’s like a crack from this shell which gave me a bit of light and a view of the other, brighter world.

Definitely, I’m proud of my muddy shoes today.

Quotes: “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”

“Tikkun olam.”

Exactly. Basically, it says that the world has been broken into pieces. All this chaos, all this discord. And our job – everyone’s job – is to try to put the pieces back together. To make things whole again.”

And you believe that?”

I guess I do. I mean, I don’t know how the world broke. And I don’t know if there’s a God who can help us fix it. But the fact that the world is broken – I absolutely believe that. Just look around us. Every minute – every single second – there are a million things you could be thinking about. A million things you could be worrying about. Our world – don’t you feel we’re becoming more and more fragmented? I used to think that when I got older, the world would make so much more sense. But you know what? The older I get, the more confusing it is to me. The more complicated it is. Harder. You’d think we’d be getting better at it. But there’s just more and more chaos. The pieces – they’re everywhere. And nobody knows what to do about it. I find myself grasping, Nick. You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe in that.”

Do you really think it’s getting worse? I mean, aren’t we better off than we were twenty years ago? Or a hundred?”

We’re better off. But I don’t know if the world’s better off. I don’t know if the two are the same thing.”

You’re right.”

Excuse me?”

I said, ‘You’re right.’”

But nobody ever says, ‘You’re right.’ Just like that.”

Really?”

Really.”

…Then it hits me.

Maybe we’re the pieces,”

What?”

Maybe that’s it. With what you were talking about before. The world being broken. Maybe it isn’t that we’re supposed to find the pieces and put them back together. Maybe we’re the pieces. Maybe, what we’re supposed to do is come together. That’s how we stop the breaking.”

Tikkun olam.”

“There’s no such thing as ready,” she says. “There’s only willing.”

“We are the ones who take this thing called music and line it up with this thing called time. We are the ticking, we are the pulsing, we are underneath every part of this moment. And by making the moment our own, we are rendering it timeless. There is no audience. There are no instruments. There are only bodies and thoughts and murmurs and looks. It’s the concert rush to end all concert rushes, because this is what matters. When the heart races, this is what it’s racing towards.”

 

Rachel Cohn and David Levithan, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (novel)

The Upside-down World

When I was a kid, I used to hang-out in our living room, claim my space on the couch, and hang my head. (Okay, that did not sound right.) I mean, instead of keeping steady sitting down to watch TV or whatever, I’d turn my world upside-down by hanging my head from the sofa, the upper half of my body flat on my back, while my lower body is drapped on the backrest of the sofa.

I don’t even remember why I was so fond of doing that in the first place, but the world upside-down was so much calmer and interesting than how I saw it everyday. Things (across our living room) looked somewhat different, fascinating, and I was totally fine with that.

 

 

 

Well, until my mom tells me to get off the sofa.

When my mom was not around, I was able to stay in that position, in silence and humble happiness, for about ten minutes. Once my mother walks in on me, she’d start scolding me about blood going up my head. Hmm…I should have asked what the harm was because the only reason I step off my upside-down world was because I was afraid of her wrath, and not ever because of the blood causing me brain damage or whatever.

Curious, I told my friends about this childhood activity, and well, it turns out, I was the only weirdo who enjoyed it!

SERIOUSLY?!