Day 009 – 2018.09.01

I received an email message from a Russian guy I was in an email correspondence with two years ago.

I’m not even sure how or where I met him, but I just remember having good email exchange with him. Although, the conversation somehow fizzled out with him suddenly not responding to my messages, and I just took it as a sign that our affinity must be done (or the universe was punishing me for being the one leaving the conversation on my other penpals).

I started liking this guy when we talked, but not in a big way. I think I was just curious and receiving messages from him was a nice interjection from my linear life that time. But I think I talked way to much about myself. I mean, can be very very wordy in writing.

In person though, I like listening more.

Anyhow, it’s nice. I just replied with a short message hinting that there’s a lot that has happened (which is true) and that maybe we can reconnect.

If nothing happens, then okay. If he replies, well and good. 🙂


Day 306: 11.02.2017

You know what, I’m kind of paranoid that I didn’t get the count of the days right with this project.

Is November 2 really the 300th day of the year? EGAD PLEASE SAY YES BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO EDIT SRZLY.

Anyhow, basically have been working on an angst fic for a whole day, but I’m stuck with which POV to use and how to end it. Nonetheless, happy that I got to write today!

Oh, and errands are done! I feel so accomplished and responsible as an adult once all bills are paid for the month. WEEE~~~

Day 302: 10.29.2017

To mend my stressed heart due to the exam yesterday, I basically just lazed around the whole day until dinner time to meet with my family. Dad’s back in the country for a month-long vacation and this is our first time to meet and have a family dinner since he landed on the 25th. Of course, my two cute nephews were automatically in my care since 1) I love them so much 2) I love my brother so I’m helping him out because these two are so much to manage 3) because I missed them!

The older one, Miguel (5) is more mature now. From the spitting dragon of a kid, he now really listens, I can have a longer conversation with him, and since he goes to school, he’s basically a student for me. LOL. It’s strange that I my teacher-switch is turned on automatically whenever there are small kids around me. And I swear, if only I can lecture my brother and his wife about the way they spoiled their younger one and how we can work on his executive function (wtf), I would’ve. If I can.

I can, technically, but you see, my brother is like the game Minesweeper. Just when you think things are okay with him, he suddenly explodes, like those mine in the game. And I rather not deal with that, thank you very much.

Anyhow, tweaked a bit of my fic and then made this as my project teaser:

There’s a Twilight Zone vibe to it which I like and kinda fits the story, so yay!

Day 295: 10.22.2017

Since deadline is in three days, I finally had the courage to start my final assignment for my last UPOU class.

Why is “courage” my choice of word? You might ask. Well, because nothing is every scary to do, it’s beginning it. Because pre-work of a task, I always welcome it with thoughts that it is dull and difficult and dragging (and believe me, it is), but it is only when you start that you realize it is indeed dull, difficult, and dragging, but at the same time, it is manageable and you actually gain something from it as you go along with it.

So anyway, I’m at least halfway done my work. It is quite a long write-up, but not so bad.

On the other hand, I haven’t started with my MES project and deadline is in a week, so let’s where my cramming will take me this time.

Day 221: 08.13.17

Finally posted a smut fic that had been sitting in my drafts folder for almost two months. It’s one of those stories I dashed to my laptop after the idea came to me, and after three hours, I had almost 3000 words worth of writing. It’s one of those stories wherein I felt I was in a trance while processing the idea to words, and it was magical.

It’s smut, so the story is within the sensual scenes.  Yet again, I’m not very big on plots anyway, even when I knit-pick on that as a reader and/or viewer.

I guess, I’m just very proud of this work because aside from the fact that it was made out of an ideal process, the writing itself was something I thought I’d lost.

He felt free. And although he was empty of something now, he was definitely full of affection for the young woman still connected to him, body convulsing, as if the waters of her body turned into waves, crashing inside her. She gripped the sheets, eyes shut, moans engulfed as he witnessed her fall into the entirety of her pleasure.

I’m able to use imagery like a proper lit student again! I thought after my Kagrra,-writing days, I lost the ability to use this in writing. I guess, it will always be there. Thankfully.

Day 187: 07.10.17

I am no where near the completion of my one shot for our MES project, and the universe knows how much I wanna abandon ship already, but I’m going to fight through the currents to deliver.

There’s the conflict of wanting to just make something and deliver, and having making something of quality. If I was fine with my academic papers crawling through dirt to get a passing score because of procrastination, I sure hell am not that way when it comes to writing. Writing fiction, that is.

I have my outline already, but the words just wouldn’t flow. The narration feels strained, and that’s what I’m getting so frustrated about. Of course, it doesn’t matter as much if my plot is good, but that’s the thing! I’m not very good with plots, so my stories are usually really simple, and I highlight more on character and interactions. I suppose, this is how I work. I’m really more process-driven, than result-driven.

No wonder I approve of progressive education so much.

Anyhow, this is the rut I’m in now:

  1. Language – I’m conflicted which to use: English or Filipino? I’m fairly comfortable with both, but let’s just say I’m stricter with narration in English, and I originally want this story in English because the prompt is also in English, and the idea I have is very romantic. Moreover, my stories have certain moods depending on the language: light and funny in Filipino, serious or sarcastic in English. \
  2. POV – In my first draft, I used 3rd person. They switch between characters. Then I revised it to 1st person using objects that the characters have. It was fun to do since it’s been a loooooooong while since I wrote in 1st person, but having the items POV is challenging. By the time I finished the first part, I didn’t want to continue anymore.
  3. Parts – My story will have 8 arcs, spanning of 17 years for the characters. The first part was already 1200 characters long, so I just hope that this work doesn’t end up with more than 9000 characters. I don’t like reading long works because my attention span cannot take it, so if it’s more than that, I think it should be a series already. But of course that’s just me. Some short stories are not very short. My one shots are usually under 2000, and the longest I wrote was almost 6000 which are usually for the projects. This is the reason MES projects exhaust me so much after because one one-shot feels like me writing seven of my usual length in one go.

I have until the 13th to complete my work, including revision. I already passed my teaser even without the one shot. Haha! In desperation, I borrowed a line from a fanfic I wrote years ago.

forever I'm yoursforever - one liner4

It fits anyway. Problem is, I have to stick with that line because that’s what the people know already.


*pulls hair*

Day 163: 6.16.17

To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.


For a lot of people continuously chatting for two hours is normal. Two might even be the bare minimum of a daily normal chat, but not for me.
Well, until tonight.

I just chatted for two hours straight with someone! This is an achievement! For my introverted part, this is a milestone, mind you. This person is also from our group, but she’s one of the less active member. From the beginning, I’ve felt a strange connection with her, so just one random night, I messaged her and then we hit it off great! Of course we were usually fangirling, but lots of secrets had been spilled, so that makes me trust her even more. I’m glad I’m not alone with my thoughts. She’s just the more vocal one. Haha!

Since she’s honest (and can be brutally so), I asked her opinion about my writing. I don’t have a problem with narration, but if I want more of my target readers, I have to use less jargons since it can be too much. To be honest, I’m not even sure which jargon she was talking about! So with that, I’m not really sure what to do. And it was reassuring that someone appreciates me for not caring about what others think of my work. It was a good reminder of why I started writing again in the first place because honestly, I think I’m losing that reason against all these negativity.

I also congratulate myself for being brave enough to ask for criticism. I love writing so much that I’m ultra sensitive with it. Nonetheless, I needed that. Even if she gave me really negative feedback, that would’ve been immensely hopeful, too.

Anyway, I’m very glad to have found like-minded people in this new fandom and with this group. Of course, I try to interact with everyone in the group–I try–but of course there’s only one, two, or three people that we’ll connect to in a deeper level. I’m glad I’ve met them already. 🙂

Day 157: 06.10.17

It’s TEASER DAY for our MES comm in Twitter!

By Teaser Day I mean we put up posters/teasers on our account to promote to the fandom. It usually gets a very big response, but since this is the second project, I think there’s more who recognize us now. Even one of the biggest MayWard account promoted us, so…pressure?

I wasn’t that pressured actually, until I saw my co-writers’ works.


I don’t think mine is that bad, but in comparison, mine seems half-assed and plain. To think I finished earlier than most of us.

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It took me less than 20 minutes to finish this. And yes, if you’re frowning at that now, it took me 20 minutes to finish this. Apologies.

The title of the story is “Gitling” (Hyphen). For once I had no idea what title I can give this work. I was happy with the overall flow of story (if there’s actually one), but the muse couldn’t give me a decent title, so I just used the Filipino translation of “hyphen” since that was one of my technical concerns for the Filipino words I used.

If any would bother, I think I can cook up an explanation to this title that relates to the characters anyway. Haha!

On the other hand, I think I am lacking in some elements for this challenge. Since we’re supposed to use stock characters (painter, vendor, photographer, soldier, etc.), their personality with their label should be apparent, right? Well, I got carried away with a dreamy balut vendor who studies comparative literature. LOL. I lacked description of a balut vendor’s iconic basket with suka and kropek on the side. Strange because I’m pretty sure I won’t forget these details if I wrote in English.

Oh well. Napasa ko na eh.

Again, trying my very best not to be sensitive to how people will judge my work in comparison to others. I’ll just keep in mind (and heart) how I had such fun writing that piece. ✌️


Day 155: 06.08.17

After more than two weeks, went back to tutor sideline. I need the money, but damn I’m soooooooo lazy.

Anyhow, at least I know now what my next target is for her.

Finished the draft for my MES oneshot this morning, so yay! I first thought it was MEH, but when I read it through, it’s actually fine.

I felt my first OS was boring, but when I read it again, it’s one of the best I’ve written for MayWard actually. I guess that impression was brought about by the constant stress and re-reading I had to do to complete it in several days.

Though this second OS took me more than 11 hours to finish, the stress was compressed in one day only. Moreover, I started having fun when I noticed the story and characters were just taking me to places. One idea bloomed into so many turns and the end was satisfactory, at least for me. Dialogues is not a strength of mine when it comes to writing, but this one had plenty of it! I can go on and on with a character reflecting and not speaking anything, but this one, they just talked and talked until morning. 😀

I just have to finalize and send it later.

Now onto more pressing and important life matters, summer class starts next week!