Day 221: 08.13.17

Finally posted a smut fic that had been sitting in my drafts folder for almost two months. It’s one of those stories I dashed to my laptop after the idea came to me, and after three hours, I had almost 3000 words worth of writing. It’s one of those stories wherein I felt I was in a trance while processing the idea to words, and it was magical.

It’s smut, so the story is within the sensual scenes.  Yet again, I’m not very big on plots anyway, even when I knit-pick on that as a reader and/or viewer.

I guess, I’m just very proud of this work because aside from the fact that it was made out of an ideal process, the writing itself was something I thought I’d lost.

He felt free. And although he was empty of something now, he was definitely full of affection for the young woman still connected to him, body convulsing, as if the waters of her body turned into waves, crashing inside her. She gripped the sheets, eyes shut, moans engulfed as he witnessed her fall into the entirety of her pleasure.

I’m able to use imagery like a proper lit student again! I thought after my Kagrra,-writing days, I lost the ability to use this in writing. I guess, it will always be there. Thankfully.

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Day 187: 07.10.17

I am no where near the completion of my one shot for our MES project, and the universe knows how much I wanna abandon ship already, but I’m going to fight through the currents to deliver.

There’s the conflict of wanting to just make something and deliver, and having making something of quality. If I was fine with my academic papers crawling through dirt to get a passing score because of procrastination, I sure hell am not that way when it comes to writing. Writing fiction, that is.

I have my outline already, but the words just wouldn’t flow. The narration feels strained, and that’s what I’m getting so frustrated about. Of course, it doesn’t matter as much if my plot is good, but that’s the thing! I’m not very good with plots, so my stories are usually really simple, and I highlight more on character and interactions. I suppose, this is how I work. I’m really more process-driven, than result-driven.

No wonder I approve of progressive education so much.

Anyhow, this is the rut I’m in now:

  1. Language – I’m conflicted which to use: English or Filipino? I’m fairly comfortable with both, but let’s just say I’m stricter with narration in English, and I originally want this story in English because the prompt is also in English, and the idea I have is very romantic. Moreover, my stories have certain moods depending on the language: light and funny in Filipino, serious or sarcastic in English. \
  2. POV – In my first draft, I used 3rd person. They switch between characters. Then I revised it to 1st person using objects that the characters have. It was fun to do since it’s been a loooooooong while since I wrote in 1st person, but having the items POV is challenging. By the time I finished the first part, I didn’t want to continue anymore.
  3. Parts – My story will have 8 arcs, spanning of 17 years for the characters. The first part was already 1200 characters long, so I just hope that this work doesn’t end up with more than 9000 characters. I don’t like reading long works because my attention span cannot take it, so if it’s more than that, I think it should be a series already. But of course that’s just me. Some short stories are not very short. My one shots are usually under 2000, and the longest I wrote was almost 6000 which are usually for the projects. This is the reason MES projects exhaust me so much after because one one-shot feels like me writing seven of my usual length in one go.

I have until the 13th to complete my work, including revision. I already passed my teaser even without the one shot. Haha! In desperation, I borrowed a line from a fanfic I wrote years ago.

forever I'm yoursforever - one liner4

It fits anyway. Problem is, I have to stick with that line because that’s what the people know already.

/sigh

*pulls hair*

Day 163: 6.16.17

To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.

 

For a lot of people continuously chatting for two hours is normal. Two might even be the bare minimum of a daily normal chat, but not for me.
Well, until tonight.

I just chatted for two hours straight with someone! This is an achievement! For my introverted part, this is a milestone, mind you. This person is also from our group, but she’s one of the less active member. From the beginning, I’ve felt a strange connection with her, so just one random night, I messaged her and then we hit it off great! Of course we were usually fangirling, but lots of secrets had been spilled, so that makes me trust her even more. I’m glad I’m not alone with my thoughts. She’s just the more vocal one. Haha!

Since she’s honest (and can be brutally so), I asked her opinion about my writing. I don’t have a problem with narration, but if I want more of my target readers, I have to use less jargons since it can be too much. To be honest, I’m not even sure which jargon she was talking about! So with that, I’m not really sure what to do. And it was reassuring that someone appreciates me for not caring about what others think of my work. It was a good reminder of why I started writing again in the first place because honestly, I think I’m losing that reason against all these negativity.

I also congratulate myself for being brave enough to ask for criticism. I love writing so much that I’m ultra sensitive with it. Nonetheless, I needed that. Even if she gave me really negative feedback, that would’ve been immensely hopeful, too.

Anyway, I’m very glad to have found like-minded people in this new fandom and with this group. Of course, I try to interact with everyone in the group–I try–but of course there’s only one, two, or three people that we’ll connect to in a deeper level. I’m glad I’ve met them already. 🙂

Day 157: 06.10.17

It’s TEASER DAY for our MES comm in Twitter!

By Teaser Day I mean we put up posters/teasers on our account to promote to the fandom. It usually gets a very big response, but since this is the second project, I think there’s more who recognize us now. Even one of the biggest MayWard account promoted us, so…pressure?

I wasn’t that pressured actually, until I saw my co-writers’ works.

WOW.

I don’t think mine is that bad, but in comparison, mine seems half-assed and plain. To think I finished earlier than most of us.

DB9MRgHV0AI1OtV.jpg large

It took me less than 20 minutes to finish this. And yes, if you’re frowning at that now, it took me 20 minutes to finish this. Apologies.

The title of the story is “Gitling” (Hyphen). For once I had no idea what title I can give this work. I was happy with the overall flow of story (if there’s actually one), but the muse couldn’t give me a decent title, so I just used the Filipino translation of “hyphen” since that was one of my technical concerns for the Filipino words I used.

If any would bother, I think I can cook up an explanation to this title that relates to the characters anyway. Haha!

On the other hand, I think I am lacking in some elements for this challenge. Since we’re supposed to use stock characters (painter, vendor, photographer, soldier, etc.), their personality with their label should be apparent, right? Well, I got carried away with a dreamy balut vendor who studies comparative literature. LOL. I lacked description of a balut vendor’s iconic basket with suka and kropek on the side. Strange because I’m pretty sure I won’t forget these details if I wrote in English.

Oh well. Napasa ko na eh.

Again, trying my very best not to be sensitive to how people will judge my work in comparison to others. I’ll just keep in mind (and heart) how I had such fun writing that piece. ✌️

 

Day 155: 06.08.17

After more than two weeks, went back to tutor sideline. I need the money, but damn I’m soooooooo lazy.

Anyhow, at least I know now what my next target is for her.

Finished the draft for my MES oneshot this morning, so yay! I first thought it was MEH, but when I read it through, it’s actually fine.

I felt my first OS was boring, but when I read it again, it’s one of the best I’ve written for MayWard actually. I guess that impression was brought about by the constant stress and re-reading I had to do to complete it in several days.

Though this second OS took me more than 11 hours to finish, the stress was compressed in one day only. Moreover, I started having fun when I noticed the story and characters were just taking me to places. One idea bloomed into so many turns and the end was satisfactory, at least for me. Dialogues is not a strength of mine when it comes to writing, but this one had plenty of it! I can go on and on with a character reflecting and not speaking anything, but this one, they just talked and talked until morning. 😀

I just have to finalize and send it later.

Now onto more pressing and important life matters, summer class starts next week!

Day 153: 06.04.17

It’s supposed to be writing day, but fandom and Twitter had me held up with all the ganap of MayWard, so…

Anyway, I’ve updated this blog! YAY!

A few highlights maybe:

1) I revisited my old Nao/Shin fics and again wondered where my flare went. I think I wrote so much better before and here comes the feeling of wanting it back again. Haaaay. I thought I’ve settled with this issue with myself before, but I guess it’s part of that insecurity that will always be lurking.

Well, as long as I always triumph over the nostalgia it’s fine. Anyhow, I did enjoy reading “Of Cigarettes and Keeping a Band Together” wherein I used Izumi’s POV to narrate a Nao/Shin story. According to the post, it was the first time I featured all band members in a fic, so that was a feat. Rather than the usual stream of consciousness, I think this fic featured more movements and dialogues in narration which I always found were my weaknesses.

And of course, there’s “Median” which I consider my master piece because for the love of me, I’m very sure I won’t be able to produce again of the same quality. That story was the product of my Literature student days and Kagrra-isms. I’ll probably post it in Wattpad just to give it a new home and give the revisions it needs.

 

2) BFF nights are random conversationw while talking, so in our world, Heidi bullies a bully three times her size in sweetly spoken expletives and threats. Of course, the bully, Damulag is left speechless and probably traumatized on his spot as they talk.

Day 151: 06.02.17

Finally finished reading all entries for Twenty as I promised I would come vacation and before the second project begins.

Speaking of second project, I haven’t begun with anything for my prompt Magbabalut Edward x Supermodel Maymay. It’s an interesting prompt actually and as much as I’m tempted to have it changed, my pride won’t allow me. My mind says CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! while my heart is throwing me expletives since my mind and action are not pairing up anyway. HAHAHAHAH!

Since my writing process was put to the test the previous project, I’m reverting to the “one-seating writing of a oneshot” spontaneous process instead of the more proper “plan your shit, write in chunks, pull your hair out, but get it done until deadline bitch” process that allows me to have plenty of time to revise both content and mechanics.

Why?

Because that’s how I write!

I remember having this discussion in LIT class, but I think we can still have something in between these two processes anyway. Write everything down, like your feelings to food when very very stressed, don’t review it or publish it, just keep it to cool down for a whole day (or more) to see what needs to be fixed/changed.

The thing with spontaneous writing is that it’s mostly feelings, raw and unfiltered. However, I think this is the most honest kind of writing because it’s a product of what we truly feel rather than rationalizing whatever it is we are talking about. Blogs/journals are usually written this way. With literary writing, well, in my case I’ve always written this way. I let my characters and idea take me to where it will take me. This is the reason I feel that my writer persona is detached from my real self because the impression that I get from my writing style–serious, nostalgic, sentimental–is quite different from who I am as a person in general. Of course, that writer is part of me, but that writer has her own mind when it comes to what and how she writes, so at the same time, she’s not me.

WUT.

On the other hand, the other process is the ideal one for me. This is the writing process I teach my tutees, well, at least for essays I think this is essential. With planning, you get to lay out the beginning, middle, and end. There’s less chances of getting stuck because before writing the details, the bigger picture had been fleshed out. There’s also ample time to revise and the way you’ll view your work is, I suppose, more objective? Maybe. I’ve never done characterization or plotting, so I think being a novelist is a career I can strikeout of my consciousness now. Oh well, I don’t plan to be a writer anyway, I just…write. I’m not a very “proper” one, haha!

Well.

June 10 is our deadline for the teaser. I still have five days for that! But what to use as teaser when I don’t have anything for teasing! HUHUHUHU.

MUSES WHERE ART THOU!!!!

 

Day 125: 05.06.17

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Happy 20th Birthday, Maymay Entrata!

I love this girl very much. I don’t easily trust people and I am skeptic of people’s intentions and actions, but this girl is making me believe that there are people out there who are really kindhearted, pure, and can charm the heck out of people like magic.

She seems so simple, but she’s beyond the simplicity that you see physically. Actually, her simplicity is one of her best traits. As an artista, you have to be fashionable, always in your best look for the camera, but this girl remains herself. She still wears the same clothes she wore in PBB, talks the same, still the crazy old Maymay, and the people who are able to be around her prove these with their testaments.

For once, I really want to meet this girl, give her a hug, and be crazy with her even for a short while.

So as a birthday gift, our group, MES, finally released our collection of oneshots (based on prompts given to each other) in Wattpad. YAY!

TWENTY: MES Project #1

In terms of writing process, this is one most excruciating piece I’ve ever made. I usually finish a one-shot in a single seating (I think it’s called a one-shot for that), but my piece was two weeks in the making! Also, I wasn’t very satisfied with the ending, but to comply, I just really had to give it my best shot and hope for contentment.

I’ve browsed through my co-writers work and wow, mine seems so boring! HUHU! I wanted to go for light and kilig, but mine became a waterfall of introspection. Nonetheless, I’ll just subscribe to the thought that I’m claiming that writing style, whether people like it or not.

Anyway, it’s the first time I’ve collaborated with others for a fandom project, and the people I’m with I believe are very awesome individuals, so I’m proud to be part of our small community.

Congratulations to us!

Day 108: 04.19.17

Letting go is indeed necessary at times, just like how it is necessary for writers to leave their work in the dark for a while, especially when progress is bleak at the moment, and let your creativity replenish the next days.

After two days, I decided to go back to MES project at McDonalds. Haha!

Surprisingly, as I was reading the draft I made, I realized that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was when I was writing it. Apparently, my emotions clouded my judgment, thus, I viewed it as BLEH. Well, it was 50% bleh, but with a few tweaks here and there, I was able to save 70% of the initial draft. Probably the muses at that time were really active, but the plot holes are fixed now too.

Now, I’ll attempt at finishing the draft today and hopefully do more revisions in the following days. Things are also getting busier at school with the field trip tomorrow, the event I’m in charge of (which will be in less than three weeks), planning for the year-end celebration, grid for next week and PTCs, I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR FANDOM.

BUT I ALWAYS FIND A WAY. HAHA!