Day 145: 05.26.17

It’s the Year-end Celebration!

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My babies are mighty handsome and pretty today!

No tears (only a bit!) with these bunch, but lots of hugs, kisses, and see you laters.

I know I’m not going to see a lot of these kids again, and that’s sad, but I just really wish them good luck and for them to enjoy their new schools as much as they did with us.

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Dressed up with a vintage feel today.

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I’m mighty thankful to these beautiful ladies for making my first year in school bearable, laughter-filled, and meaningful.

Cheers to everyone and congratulations!

Day 144: 05.25.17

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LAST SNACK TIME WITH THIS BUNCH!

I was expecting this day to be as emotionally charged as yesterday since I was so down about the need to say goodbye to these kids, but I guess that was that. Fortunately?

The day was kind of hectic, chaotic, and confusing. Nonetheless, that is our normal day in the classroom. So instead of a teary, sentimental last day of class, I was given a last taste of classroom life with these bunch of kids.

To Ian, Aditi, Jelaena, Harper, Divit, William, Jose, Yooni, Szofia, Hanna, Valery, Kandhan, Daichi, Pau, and Seung Kyu (who did not come to school anymore huhu), and of course to my partner-in-crime and pride, Geli, THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY FIRST YEAR AS A PRESCHOOL TEACHER WORTH WHILE.

It was a year full of challenges and stress, but I know that each time I’m able to survive and triumph over them, I grow a bit more as a teacher and as a person.

I love each and everyone of you. Even if you don’t remember us in the future, I know I always would. ❤

Day 143: 05.24.17

Detach, detach, detach.

That’s what I’m trying to command myself now, but I guess it’s too late to demand it just now.

The school year started with me just hoping to be a good teacher: one who is able to manage class fine, make instructional materials fine, and instruct fine. I didn’t pursue to be a great teacher, I was fine just learning the ropes and getting by.

We started with eight children, but now we are 15. Our class grew along with my attachment to these children.

I didn’t expect to care for the welfare of these children so much. I didn’t expect to be so analytical of their behavior just so we can help them feel comfortable and happy in class, and of course to aid what they need in every domain we can tap on as teachers. I didn’t expect to love the hugs, kisses, and even the oddity of my kids. I didn’t expect that I would miss them when they’re absent in class, even if in the previous days I was chasing them to clean up their mess, nagging on following the rules, and scolding them for being too noisy. I didn’t expect that I would be this attached to these group of little dinosaurs that made up our miniature Jurassic Park.

I didn’t expect that I would care so much, and would cry so much now that it’s really sinking in, that tomorrow is the last day of class.

Technically, it’s on Friday, but that’s already an event, and tomorrow is the last official day that we’ll have our usual schedule in the classroom; always a rollercoaster of emotions, but ultimately of love in our everyday classroom.

Today, I was sitting on the bench during outdoor play and witnessed how one of our students who would usually hit a peer when aggravated guided up his peer when the other fell on the pavement, and then even asked him if he was fine. These boys do not play often, but to see a picture of emphathy, I thought, ah, I’m seeing a new side of him. It’s probably a side of him I won’t see very often anymore and that was sad too.

Another student I talked to cried. When I asked him why, he said it’s because we only have 2 more days of school. He said he would miss playing with his friends, and he’ll miss the school. I comforted him by saying that he can always invite his friends to his house and a lot of them would be going to the big school he would soon. He said he didn’t like that school and would like to stay in our school for 500 more days. I reminded him of the time that he also didn’t like our school and refused to come inside, so it’s possible that it would be the same for him in his next school. But he just kept on crying, insisting that we have more days in school. I almost cried with him.

Another student gave me a thank you card, and I almost choked because of tears that wanted to come that time. But I was scolding another student too. The stark contrast in situation, believe it or not, I adore as well.

I received many hugs today, but I think I didn’t give as much. So tomorrow I will take my chance and really make them feel my love. Though gosh, I really hope to keep in the waterworks!

Day 142: 5.23.17

It’s not a very good day today.

First news, as expected, the Monday blues that kept everyone in place yesterday, was no where to be found today. The kids, on a Monday, are just really warming up. The real deal with their behavior and energy is on a Tuesday. Nonetheless, I didn’t get angry at anyone and that’s still progress in keeping a consistent zen being.

On the other hand, the end of the day was less pleasing than my optimism.

Parents of one of our students came over to talk about their children, which was actually helpful because we really needed to talk, and better in person.

I guess what really upset me is that the conference was a revelation of what is actually the hold in our plan to help adjust the child in the classroom. It’s just that when the parents are the ones that need consultation, the situation can get very tricky and sensitive.

Well, what kept me upset after the talk is the fact that there was no real resolution to the problem. I’m glad we finally get to hear their opinions about the situation that we have of their child, but in general, I felt that they were implying our lack of action to make their child feel comfortable in the classroom so as not to make him feel bored and unwanted, especially by me.

Even after all these attempts and intention to make the situation better, it’s the parents who are holding back with the development of their children. It’s more upsetting because we’ve been working on him for six months now, but everytime they go on a trip, we go back to zero. We’ve explained this in PTCs, but I personally think it’s the parents that need to understand and accept that their child needs help.

“He’s just five.”

He’s already five.

“He likes to touch. He’s affectionate.”

Yes, but touches can have limitations.

“He sees his classmate standing up.”

Why does he need to copy when he knows that’s wrong?

Urgh.

Second news, I learned something about someone. I don’t distrust this person, nor to I trust entirely. Civil.

But whether civil or close, I hate liars. Lie as much as you want, or you need to, but make sure I won’t catch you, or someone doesn’t unfold you because I don’t forget, even if I forgive.

I wanna learn this person’s intention and motivations to do that act, most of all.

I hope this person gets tired eventually.

Third news, what’s wrong with the world mama?

Just learned that certain areas were invaded/attacked by terrorists groups which may or may not be connected to the ISIS. It’s those bunch of peope who give their soldiers drugs that get them high on decapitating people.

IT’S SCARY AS FUCK.

I’ve accepted that no place is safe anymore, but when that fact is already knocking on your door, you wished you never realized it in the first place.

So wishing fo the safety of everyone in Marawa, Bankok, and Manchester.

Day 141: 05.22.17

Dragging one’s face off a bed pillow is certainly more difficult when one receives a horrifying message that one’s partner will be absent for the day and one’s self will be left alone in a Jurassic Park.

*le sigh*

Alright. I think I get what my friends in college were doing as strategy against disappointments: anticipate the worst and be met with less disappointments.

Monday is Monday. Tuesday sometimes turn into Monday, but Monday remains the glorious blue day that it is, most of the time. So with the year end for our kids just around the corner, we’re packed with lots of things to do. There’s less play and exploration because we’re aiming for progress and results to present parents by Friday. Work Time turned into Small Group with the demand of planning, preparation, materials, and facilitating.

Nonetheless, my kids were less rowdy today, so that helped in classroom management. Of course, it can’t be helped to have a bit of conflict with a few of them, and one even vomited, but overall, good job Michelle!

Day 140: 05.21.17

It’s test of friendship night with bestfriend!

I know I’m stuck for life with this bitch and I am happy to be stuck with her for the rest of my life, it’s just that the adventures are unknown haha. Anyway, it’s always fun and meaningful with her. Cheers to more adventures whether in the cold, rain, or heat!

So to Mao, thanks for sticking around for more than a decade. I’m not a very good friend, nor a clingy person in general, but I will to you, whether you like it or not! Hahahahaha!

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Day 139: 05.19.17

It’s chill Saturday for me!

There’s still a lot of work that needs attention (especially since it’s the last week of the school year, sheet), but I really try to devote Saturday for rest and recreation.

I think the muses are not as active as before, so my writing has slowed down. I’m a bit disappointed, but still thankful that at least not all of them have left yet, and there’s still some drive left to produce at least the ideas I’ve listed down so far.

I’m really trying my hand at writing in Filipino again, so I’ve been updating a series I wrote in Filipino. I also enjoy that since it’s light and there’s really no big plot to keep anyone hanging for more. Less pressure from myself and readers. Just to pump it up, I might try to find a writing challenge and write in Filipino instead of English just like what I did in “Vicissitudes”.

I think I’m also entering my reading phase, as I’ve been enjoying reading MW stories of my other fellow writers in MES (and others). They are indeed a bunch of very talented individuals. Out of the 17 stories, I’ve read at least six of them, and certainly, our stories have different colors. Personally, some I prefer than the other, but there’s a charm in every version of Maymay and Edward’s life. So I’m very honored to be part of this team of amazing story tellers.

The most amazing part so far? I’ve adjusted.

I don’t feel insecure with my writing skills anymore, well, the pangs are not that apparent anymore. I’ve accepted that it will always be there, but at least I’m able to fight and win over it every time it attacks. The battle is always hard, but like everything in this world, the pain and unhappiness are temporary.

Day 136: 05.17.17

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Pastel blue-colored sky before night begins

…and now it’s raining. Haha!

It’s amazing how temper can be infectious, so if there is any temper that one has to show, it is not temper at all.

My partner and I had a personal challenge today, and that is not to get angry in any way to our students: no shouting, no losing of patience. I think I almost lost the challenge a few times, but I’m glad I was able to survive; we both did! The weather was a little bit gloomy today too, but our hearts were happy. No fighting, no big chaos, too. The brightness of the classroom probably affects the energy of the kids, so with the gloomy weather, they were all calm, too?

Anyway, I hope that tomorrow we’ll have the same kind of peace in the classroom. There’s only 7 more days to go, so I hope we can all get along from now on.